


Running on Empty. (HIAUTUS)

by Cold_Breeze



Category: Monsta X
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Fighting, I hate tagging, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Random idol mentions - Freeform, Slice of Life, Thug life but not really, Wonho has beast like image, cursing, wanna be gangsters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2020-10-01 19:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20378275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cold_Breeze/pseuds/Cold_Breeze
Summary: College student Hyungwon is not very lucky when at the end of both annoying and tiring day he has to go out of his way and bring a "hot" but unconscious guy home.





	1. I don't know you.

**Author's Note:**

> Another day another drama but my English still sucks, bare with me. 
> 
> As usual, thanks for your time ~

Hyungwon fancies October. It is one of the calmest months of the year. It’s neither hot nor cold and the yellow-maroon fallen leaves do Hyungwon's eyes good. The only thing he could complain about is the frequency it rains, but then again he cannot say anything because he does like the rain. The only thing, he prefers to be at home during this type of weather. 

It was a little after 9, he was sitting at the back of the huge auditorium, left hand supporting his chin, looking outside, mind both blank and full of thoughts he failed to register. With all the respect to the professor who was explaining The Biological Basis Of Social Behavior, specifically Altruism, while Professor’s voice was getting closer and drifting away another minute, Hyungwon didn’t want to be where he was. He wanted to be at home, in his bed, ideally sleeping. 

After the class ended he slowly picked his stuff and headed towards the exit. The thought he had to wake up for specifically one class on this rainy day made his guts feel uneasy. He was standing by the entrance to the university, calculating all the possible ways to get home not drenched to the bone, when someone jumped on him from behind. Hyungwon’s face darkened when he recognized the strangers.

-“Jooheon and Minhyuk.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes “What are you doing here?”

-“We wanted to find you after class but you were faster than we expected,” said Minhyuk both loudly and cheerfully.

-“You have my number; you could hit me up there,” Hyungwon said looking at his feet.

-“That’s what normal people do, yours is out of reach,” Jooheon said looking somewhere far away behind Hyungwon.

Hyungwon raised his gaze to take a look at Jooheon, his posture was off and he wasn’t as energetic. It made Hyungwon raise a brow in suspicion.

-“What’s wrong with you?” Hyungwon asked the youngest out of three of them.

-“Someone from X university attacked him, nothing serious though,” Minhyuk said laughing while hitting Jooheon’s back, who flinched motionlessly but hard enough for Hyungwon to notice. 

-“What did they do?” Hyungwon approached Jooheon cupping his face with his right hand while tracing his left on his rib cage, hitting the spot when Jooheon winced with visible pain on his 8th pair of ribs. “Bastards” Hyungwon muttered. “Who were they? Do you know them?”

-“No, I don’t think I’ve seen them before,” Jooheon said calmly while shaking both of Hyungwon’s hands off and setting his eyes on Minhyuk who was just blankly staring at both of the guys. 

-“I knew I couldn’t trust that fucking hamster. I had to crush him when I could.” Hyungwon half-turned to look at the weather that was getting worse by every second.

-“We don’t know for sure,” Minhyuk said simply “It could be one of the rebellious rookies for all we know, Jooheon said himself he didn’t recognize any of the guys.”

Hyungwon turned to look at Jooheon once again, making sure they make eye contact.

-“Did they really attack without any reason or did you say something to provoke them?” Hyungwon said narrowing his eyes on the other guy.

-Hyung!

-Jooheon.

-I didn’t do shit. I was just making my way home after I had a couple of drinks with Changkyun and I don’t know why I didn’t pay much attention but the next thing I know 4 gorillaz put me to the ground trying to beat the shit out of me. Good thing there was a stranger passing by. 

-“I wouldn’t call him a stranger” Minhyuk interrupted “I wasn’t there but as far as I am concerned he is one sick psycho” Minhyuk laughed.

-“What?” Hyungwon’s expression puzzled. 

-“This guy was passing by while the thugs were counting my ribs and the next thing I know he jumped one of them and a second later he was laying next to me. The others jumped him but surprisingly he took them off as well”

Hyungwon frowned.

-So you’re saying four of Hamsters’ pets took you down and would probably beat you to a pulp if not for the guy who took them all in an instant?

-“Hyung, you make it sound as if I am a weakling,” Jooheon whined.

-Well…

-“Don’t be hard on him. He was taken by surprise and the other guy does sound intimidating” Said Minhyuk.

-“I wonder,” Hyungwon managed.

-“He is a stray dog,” Minhyuk said laughing “Jooheon wanted to say thank you and invite him to our squad but he…” Minhyuk tried hard not to burst out laughing “…but he said he likes his freedom more.” 

-“I couldn’t bribe him with food,” said Jooheon disappointed.

-“I don’t care whether he is a stray dog or a cat or whatever; I am good as long as he was considerate enough to help Jooheon.” Hyungwon mumbled “I am glad it ended well. Are you sure you are alright? Have you been to the hospital?”

-Yeah, it’s just a fracture, nothing serious.

-“Be more careful in the meantime. Take good care of him, Mihyuk” Hyungwon said while turning away.

-“I will. But hey, the stray pup is one of the students here.” Minhyuk blurted out knowing Hyungwon was ready to leave.

-So?

-Well, I don’t know. Changkyun said it would be nice he joins us.

-But he said he is not interested.

-“I am just saying, Hyungwon. I am sure you will know it’s him if you start noticing people around you.” Minhyuk said shrugging “We gotta run, our classes start in a few minutes, don’t be too harsh on Mr. Hamster, make sure he was behind it before dealing with him,” Minhyuk said while putting his hand around Jooheon’s shoulder and disappearing inside the university.

Hyungwon watched both of his friend’s figures vanishing, thinking why he let Minhyuk into his life in the first place. He turned around to look at the weather. A strong gust of wind made him regret he got out of his bed as he made his way towards downtown, where another unpleasant conversation awaited him.

He entered a dimly lit bar shaking his hair as if he was a dog. He sat behind a bar, took a look at his watch: 11:45, “Who drinks at such ungodly hour” crossed his mind but he didn’t hesitate to order a glass of semi-sweet white wine with a glass of sparkling water next to it. 

-“What brings you here? You haven’t visited in a while” Bartender smiled while getting Hyungwon his order.

-Hamster.

The other guy laughed out loud.

-I haven’t heard Kihyun being called that way in a while either.

-Yeah, do you know if he will drop by today, Wonwoo? 

-“He usually gobbles his chicken at this time here, I am sure he will roll around sooner or later. Don’t get wasted before he does though.” The guy chuckled.

-“Don’t worry,” Hyungwon’s words echoed in an empty bar.

Not even 20 minutes later Hyungwon could hear someone annoying enter. Kihyun was in the middle of denying something when Hyungwon’s gaze fell on his enemies’ articulator. The girl noticed him as well.

-“Hyungwonnie” screamed the girl.

-“Soyou,” said Hyungwon calmly standing to give his old friend a hug.

-How have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while. 

-“Well, you know: - school and stuff,” Hyungwon said while tracing his eyes on the reason he turned up in this place.

Soyou turned around to look at Kihyun, who was standing and giving a disgusted look in their direction. 

-“He has been grumpy for the last couple of days, be gentle to him” Soyou whispered as she gave a quick kiss on Hyungwon’s cheek and a second later she was seated behind the bar and starting talking cheerfully to Wonwoo.

Hyungwon fixed his hair and sighed loudly looking straight at Kihyun, who was returning his gaze. He grabbed his wine and went to sit opposite to the guy. He scrutinized the rest of the people sitting at the table but none of them had any signs of being in the fight. He took a sip of his wine, keeping an eye on Kihyun who was getting more impatient with every passing second.

-“What the fuck are you doing here?” He finally blurted out.

-That’s not a way to greet a guest.

-Guest my ass, I am surprised Wonwoo didn’t kick your ass out.

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow; he wanted to say something but refrained to.

-“You beat one of my boys, I expect you personally bow down to him,” he said nonchalantly.

-I have no idea what you’re talking about. 

Hyungwon rolled his eyes as he stood on his feet in a matter of seconds and was now grabbing on the other guy’s collar, face calm but his grip tight.

-“I didn’t come to chitchat with you, hamster. If I see you sneaking on my boys once again I will personally come after you.” Hyungwon said as he let go and was on his way to exit giving a small nod to Wonwoo and Soyou on the way.

He stood on the steps of the bar, watching the rain slowly but steadily flooding the streets. He cursed in his mind once again, rue the moment he decided to leave his bed on this day.

He considered taking a taxi but his apartment wasn’t too far away so with a hard chest he decided to walk. He would buy an umbrella but unfortunately, there were no convenient stores so he zipped his jacket and started to stroll in the direction of his home. 

He decided to cut through the park when he saw a fight. The last thing he wanted to do is to be part of it. Hyungwon decided to avoid it by all means but regrettably, for him, he saw the brawl was pretty uneven, 5 VS 1 and the guys did look intimidating. He sighed once again and headed towards the noise, taking his phone out.

-“Folks, I called the police and unless you want to get into trouble you better hurry up,” Hyungwon yelled on a respectable distance. 

He could hear the other guys swear and flee seconds later. He approached the guy who was lying on the ground. He was curled in an embryo position.

-“Hey, they left.” Hyungwon tapped the guy on the shoulder but there was no reaction.

-“Fuck,” Hyungwon murmured as he moved the guy to lay on the back, eyes closed and breathing irregular, face bloody.

-Fuck, Fuck, Fuck…what am I supposed to do with you, dude? I cannot leave you on the streets. 

He sighed, he lost count of how many times he found this day troublesome. He helped the guy on his back and piggybacked him to his apartment; thank god it was in a five-minute distance.

Hyungwon breathed heavily as he literally dropped the guy on his bed.

-“Why the heck are you so heavy? You are so much shorter than me” he whispered while zooming on the strangers face: - “Not gonna lie, you are one attractive person.”

He rummaged through his wardrobe to find some suitable clothes that would suit the stranger. Hyungwon found it weird the guy was still unconscious. He took a wet cloth to wipe his blood off his face as he noticed how hot to the touch he is.

-Great. He has flu or some sort of shit that has to be contagious because I am that lucky!

Hyungwon went to the kitchen to find some medicine. He managed to find paracetamol and ibuprofen. This should do. As Hyungwon entered the bedroom, the guy was mumbling something. 

He bent over to listen to the stranger’s breathing. It was a mistake. The next thing he knows he is grabbed by the neck. 

-“Who the fuck are you?” A rasp whisper came.

Hyungwon untangled stranger’s fingers to take a look him straight into the eyes. 

-“I took your beaten ass home, I think you have a fever. Change and take some medicine. You can crash at my place until you feel better. If you are uncomfortable you can call someone to pick you up, either is fine.” Hyungwon said a matter of factly, arms crossed on his chest. 

-“What’s your name?” Stranger managed to say almost after a minute.

-Hyungwon.

-“Mine’s Hoseok.” His eyes darting around the room.

-Alright, no need to feel uncomfortable. I think you want to crash here, am I right?

The other guy nodded.

-Okay, do you have the energy to take a shower or do you want to go back to sleep?

-Ummm…shower.

Hyungwon grabbed one of the towels and put it on top of the clothes he prepared for the guy.

-“Here you go, the bathroom is around the corner. I will be in the living room.” Hyungwon said and quietly left, closing the door behind him.

Hyungwon was sitting on the couch watching TV when he heard the steps. He turned around to take a look at the guy who came to sit next to him.

-“Oh shit” He exclaimed the second he saw a cut on Hoseok’s head.

He zoomed on him and tried to touch it but the hand stopped him.

-“Don’t touch me so easily, pretty boy” The guy mumbled looking straight into the eyes.

-Don’t be so wary. If I wanted to harm you I would already have. Come, I will treat that head of yours so you can go back to sleep.

Hyungwon treated the other guy’s wounds slowly but carefully giving the stranger an opportunity to openly stare.

-“Okay, all done,” Hyungwon said while standing up and putting first aid kit away.

-“Thanks,” the other guy said quietly.

-No problem, so…are you hungry or?

-I rather go to sleep.

-Sure, you know where the bedroom is.

-“Umm…I feel uncomfortable taking your only bed away.” The guy said while averting his gaze.

-“It’s fine, mine is king size and if I feel the need I will join in later,” Hyungwon said shrugging.

Hoseok was staring at the guy. He wasn’t sure if the guy who saved him was plain dumb or way too kind and inviting. He decided to think about it tomorrow, his head was ready to split into half any second.

-Okay, see you around then. Thanks.

-“Aha” as Hyungwon turned his attention back to the TV.

Hoseok was already tucked in the sheets smelling them, feeling weirdly comfortable when he heard a soft knock on the door, dark-haired guy pushing his way into.

-Sorry, I forgot to give you the medicine. I don’t have much but it will help you.

-Do you have painkillers by any chance?

Hyungwon chuckled.

-Knew you would be my man. Here, I have both paracetamol and ibuprofen.

-“Great” Hoseok said as he grabbed both of the pills and swallowed them in one go.

Hyungwon was a long time gone while Hoseok found himself inhaling the other guy’s sheets again. Surprisingly he didn’t hate it, there was something soothing about it and before he could understand the reason behind it he fell into a deep sleep.

Hyungwon woke up a little after 2 am, his back was killing him. He groaned as he realized he fell asleep just there, in his living room. He sleepily made his way to his bed, forgetting someone already occupied it. Hyungwon pushed his way under the blankets, sighing in relief. He unconsciously stuck to the origin of the warmth, not registering who it really was.

Hoseok woke up a little after 9, with a slight headache. He stretched his arms when he realized there was someone next to him. He turned around to find the guy who saved him the day before. Hoseok was deadpan staring at him for some time, the other guy half hugging him, slow breathing, hair a mess. He tried to take his hair off the face, “Yes, definitely a pretty boy” Hoseok thought to himself as he silently got off the bed, Hyungwon still deep asleep. He got his stuff and left, leaving a memo on the kitchen table saying “Thank you.”

Hyungwon woke up feeling extremely hot. It took him a couple of minutes to realize where he was, his own bed. A slow realization came to him; a stranger was not next to him. He reluctantly stood up and headed towards the kitchen, getting a bottle of water in his fridge. Leaning against the kitchen table he noticed a piece of paper and simple two words scribbled on it. He sighed and sneezed. 

“That dude gave me his cold,” Hyungwon thought as he tottered back to his bed as he fell asleep shortly after. He was woken up in the late afternoon, the door banged at so violently he could hear it in his back of the flat. He wasn’t surprised to find Minhyuk and “Oh, today he brought Changkyun for a change,” Hyungwon thought as he opened the door.

-“I haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?” Hyungwon said while petting the youngest one on the head, smiling and coughing at the same time.

Minhyuk fell on the couch with a bang.

-“Why don’t you love me the way you do Jooheon and Changkyun?” Minhyuk said pouting.

-“Because you aren’t cute” came a simple reply as he went to check his inside of the fridge. “I got juice and coke, what do you want?"

Changkyun peeked through Hyungwon’s shoulder and snickered as he found several beers, grabbing one and disappearing before Hyunwong could protest. 

-“Get me one as well,” Minhyuk said looking at the youngest one.

Hyungwon grabbed two beers and went to sit next to Minhyuk, putting his legs on the table.

-“What brings you here?” Hyungwon said, voice tired.

-“Hyung, you skipped school again,” Changkyun said not taking his gaze away from the phone.

-I wasn’t planning on leaving my house today, plus I think I am sick.

-"How did you catch it?” Minhyuk asked arching his eyebrow. “Anyway, what about Kihyun?”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes, he forgot yesterday was one hell of a day.

-I don’t know, he either pretended not to know or he just didn’t. But I made sure the next time it happens I will skin him.

Changkyun snorted while Minhyuk straight up laughed.

-“And I will skin you if you don’t stop laughing” Hyungwon mumbled looking at his full can of beer. “Ugh, this is disgusting”

He stood up and threw it in a trash bin as he motioned towards the bedroom but stopped in the hall.

\- Let’s talk tomorrow. Don’t forget to close the door when leaving.

-“Hyung, can I stay here? I brought my laptop, I need some peace.”

-“Sure, join me later if you’re staying the night. I fell asleep on the couch yesterday and it was a nightmare” he said his voice trailing away as he opened the bedroom and slowly closed his door behind.

Changkyun smiled sheepishly as he continued to drink his beer. Minhyuk stared at him for a while.

-I wonder why Hyungwon is so kind towards you. I don’t imagine him allowing to sleep next to him.

Changkyun laughed.

-Hyung, your sleeping habits are horrible.

“True” as both of them started to laugh.

Even though Hyungwon wasn’t eager he did want to have his degree so when he felt better he decided to attend classes. He was spacing out yet again, it was his fourth lecture and his brain started to get soft after third. 

The weather was nice and he was thinking what he should eat, he was considering one of the bakery shops but thought that he probably needs to eat normal food once in a while so he decided on a ramyon shop he fancied.

He sat behind the bar and ordered the usual when he got a message, it was Jooheon and he was coming. He mulled his options whether he should gobble his food in 3 minutes so he doesn’t have to wait for the coming guy, he knew it takes Jooheon ages to finish his food. But in the end, he decided to take his time. He wasn’t sure why but he found hard to be upset with two youngsters. 

Hyungwon was blowing on his soup when he noticed someone sitting next to him.

-“Sorry, but I am waiting for a friend,” Hyungwon said and rasing his head shortly after.

“Oh” stroke both of the guys who were now looking at each other.

-“The guy who got beaten unconscious,” Hyungwon said.

-“It’s Hoseok,” The other guy mumbled turning away and scanning the shop that was fuller than he expected.

-“Sit down,” Hyungwon said. “We will deal with Jooheon when he arrives.”

Hoseok was watching the other guy silently eating when the idea crossed his mind.

-"I am sorry I left before you woke up. I would like to say thank you once again.” He said staring at the guy’s profile.

-It’s fine. How’s your head?

-Great, thanks. 

At this moment Hyungwon can see Jooheon pushing the entrance door and scanning the people when his eyes finally land on Hyungwon who waves at him. He hurried to say hello to his friend when he noticed he wasn’t alone.

-“You didn’t tell me someone will join us,” Jooheon said turning his neck towards the stranger to take a look at.

His mouth made the biggest “O” when he recognized the stranger.

-“A stray dog,” mouthed Jooheon while pointing a finger at him.

-“A stray dog?” Questioned Hyungwon while looking at Hoseok who was blankly staring at Jooheon.

-“Your friend?” Hoseok now looked at Hyungwon who was obviously confused.

And then something clicked in Hyungwon’s head.

-“You’re the one who saved Jooheon’s ribs,” Hyungwon snorted and tried to look away in order not to laugh out loud.

-“Yeah, that’s the guy I was talking about,” Jooheon said more loudly than necessary.

Hoseok frowned; he didn’t like the situation he found himself in. Jooheon didn’t get the sign when he literally pushed him closer to Hyungwon in order to squeeze in next to the guy.

-“So, how do you know each other?” Jooheon asked excitedly.

-“He saved my ass,” Hoseok said simply.

Hyungwon didn’t say a word, enjoying the situation of a third party.

-Hmm

-So, hyung…how should I call you? I don’t think “a stray dog” works anymore.

-Hoseok

-“Mine is Jooheon,” he said happily as he extended his hand to shake Hoseok’s.

-“By the way, that’s the leader I was talking about but I bet you already know it,” Jooheon said a matter of factly as he leaned on the bar to order.

Hoseok turned around to look at Hyungwon who was looking straight at him, left hand supporting his cheek, eyes unimpressed but attentive.

-“You? He was blabbering about being part of the gang or something. And you represent it?” he said almost mockingly, Hyungwon didn’t like his tone.

-“Not everyone is about physical strength, muscle kitty,” He said not so kindly.

-“If we are talking about book worm circle than you’re fitting perfectly in, pretty boy,” Hoseok said smiling.

Hyungwon narrowed his eyes as he tried to read the guy who was sitting opposite to him.

-I like you.

-What?

-I said I will join your book club or whatever you call it.

Hyungwon shifted his body weight as he lurked for his wallet and took a 20.000 won bill.

-I don’t know what you are up to, Hoseok but if you’re bored out of your mind I rather you found a different hobby.

He put the money on the table and went to hug Jooheon from behind. Hoseok could see the guy slipping his long fingers behind Jooheon’s waist, resting his chin on the other’s shoulder, whispering something and then he was gone.

Jooheon mechanically turned around to look at Hoseok, his impression dark.

-“Did you do something to upset Hyungwon?” He raised an eyebrow.

Hoseok ignored, instead he asked.

-“Are you and him together or something?” He asked scratching his back of the neck.

-What? Me and Hyungwon? Like, in that way? No way in hell.

Jooheon’s face brightened up as his food arrived. Hoseok was watching the younger eat, thinking he might as well enjoy the opportunity. It did sound fun.

The week was coming to an end, Hyungwon and the rest of the guys went out to have a couple of drinks but because he wasn’t a party animal after the third round he decided to call it a day. Minhyuk and Jooheon continued while him and Changkyun agreed on grabbing some food and separate ways.

Hyungwon was crossing his usual park when he came across another fight. The district itself was nice but he blamed it on all the pubs. “These people never know when to stop,” Hyungwon was thinking as he tried to avoid the fight but to his both surprise and disappointment he recognized one of the fighters. It was a newly acquainted pet who was throwing punches in all directions, unexpectedly winning. 

He sat down on the nearest bench and lit a cigarette, enjoying the show. After 15 minutes most of the opponents were defeated so he slowly approached the guy who was catching his breath on the ground. Hyungwon bent over to greet the guy but unexpectedly instead of greetings he got himself punched in the guts, cigarette falling on the ground as he fell on his knees. Hoseok jumped on his feet and tried to land another couple of punches but Hyungwon blocked them and hit him right in the face, trying to restrain him. 

-“What the fuck. What’s wrong with you?” Hyungwon yelled while now being as pumped up as he is kicking him with all his might. 

Hoseok didn’t register anything of what was said to him and continued to do everything to put the intruder to the ground. When Hyungwon was finally on the ground, Hoseok sat on top of him taking by the collar, panting, blood dripping down his face. 

-“Let me go this instant,” Hyungwon angrily yelled.

Still no response, so when Hoseok got ready to punch him in the face Hyungwon hit him in the stomach which made the guy wince with pain, Hyungwon took this opportunity to stand on his feet and finishing him off with a couple of kicks in the guts.

Hyungwon left him laying on the ground, while walking in his home’s direction, lighting another cigarette and spitting blood that accumulated because of the cut lip.

Hyungwon managed to take a shower and grab a can of beer when someone knocked on the door.

“NO,” thought Hyungwon who knew the miserable chances that it was a wasted neighbor who knocked on a wrong door, so when the knocks started to be loud and simultaneous he cursed as he knew who it would be.

“Minhyuk,” said Hyungwon irritably as he went to open the door. He unlocked the door and without greeting the guests he made his way to the couch saying “I thought you went for another round with Joo”

-“Yeah, we were on the way to this new bar near your place when we met someone unexpected,” said Minhyuk drunkenly while pushing the door open with a bang for Jooheon, who was now walking in with someone next to him.

Hyungwon looked at Minhyuk, than at Jooheon and than at Hoseok who seemed to be either unconscious or half delirious in Jooheon’s grasp.

-“Get the fuck out of here,” Hyungwon said standing on his feet.

-“Hyungwon we found him near your park”, Jooheon said apologetically. 

Hyungwon was giving both of them a malicious look.

-Yeah, I left him there.

-Did you fight?

-“Minhyk, are you blind or did you take whatever he did?” he pointed at the corpse Jooheon was now putting on the couch. 

There was silence. 

Jooheon flopped on the couch next to Hoseok and sighed loudly. 

-“Why did you fight?” Jooheon said finally, he wasn’t as drunk as Minhyuk and seemed to finally focus on Hyungwon’s face. 

-Who the fuck knows? He was already fighting but when the others scrammed I went to say hello and that animal jumped me. I won’t repeat myself, take this piece of shit out of my flat and make sure I don’t see him ever again.” Hyungwon said fast and turned towards the bedroom, closing the door with a bang. 

Minhyuk and Jooheon exchanged the looks.

-What do we do now?” said Jooheon disappointed “He will kill us if we let him crash here.”

Minhyuk mulled some options.

-Whatever, just leave him here and let’s go for another round. They do know each other in the end” Minhyk said slurring.

-"No, we are going home” as Jooheon stood up, giving the last look at now sleeping Hoseok who was dirty, his face a mess.

-“I hope you patch things up,” he said while putting a blanket on him and silently leaving and closing the door behind. 

Hoseok woke up a little after 10, he felt horrible. He cracked his eyes open to find the light unbearable. He sat up and tried to think of his whereabouts and what was the last thing he remembered. 

-“Oh shit,” as he remembered the last bar he was in, and getting the speed that turned out to be completely something else. 

He cursed under his breath again and looked around. The flat was completely still. He made his way towards the bedroom, opening the door slightly, Hyungwon was silently sleeping. He went to sit in the couch again, holding his breath as his rib cage was hurting. 

Even an hour later Hyungwon was nowhere to be found so he decided to take the liberty and take a shower. His clothes were more or less ruined, his coat was soaked with blood and he knew the blood belonged not only to himself. Nevertheless, he put his old clothes on and sat back on the spot he did before, not long after that, he heard the footsteps and as Hoseok turned around he saw Hyungwon only in his boxer briefs with a massive birds nest, silently yawning not realizing that he was watching him.

-“Hey,” Hoseok said almost whispering.

Hyungwon slowly moved at the sound’s direction, eyes slow but getting wider with realization.

-“The fuck are you doing here?” Hyungwon said while making rapid steps in his direction, grabbing his collar as soon as he was close enough.

-Umm

-“I asked what the hell you are doing here, you crack head,” Hyungwon repeated while zooming on Hoseok. 

Hoseok was looking at the sleepy face of Hyungwon, noticing a freshly cut on the lip and a couple of bruises on his chest.

-“Did I do this to you?” he gasped. 

-“You sure did, but I bet you don’t remember because of the shit you took. You wouldn’t be able to recognize your own mother.” He snorted as he let go and moved towards the kitchen. 

Hoseok damned yesterday and after a couple of minutes he approached Hyungwon who was now making coffee. 

-Hey, look, I am sorry. Yes, I wanted to get some speed but whatever I was sold was completely different shit. I don’t remember anything after taking it. I really didn’t mean to. 

-“Do I look like I care?” said Hyungwon half looking at Hoseok. “Because I don’t, I just want you gone and to never see that mug of yours ever again.”

-“Sorry and thanks,” Hoseok mumbled as he silently left. 

Mondays were torturing for Hyungwon as he had a full day of classes and most of them were with Minhyuk. He tried to survive through sleeping them but unfortunately, it didn’t help. The lunch was the only perk of the day as they usually serve fish on Mondays, good fish. 

He went to look for a spot for them to sit down when he noticed Jooheon in the corner of the cafeteria. He realized who he was talking to but it was already too late. Jooheon noticed him before he could turn around and leave. 

-Hyungwonnie, here.

Hyungwon went to sit next to Jooheon, not looking at his company. 

-“I thought you don’t have classes today,” Hyungwon said looking at Jooheon supporting his face with the left hand.

-I had to bring something to Changkyun for his class.

-Hmm

-"So, did you patch things up?" Jooheon gave both Hoseok and Hyungwon an expecting look.

Hyungwon looked at Hoseok, narrowing his gaze on him for a second and before he could say anything Minhyuk approached with their food.

-“What’s up, guys?” said Minhyuk while pushing food on the table and sitting next to Hoseok.

Hyungwon moved his bowl towards Jooheon.

-“I lost appetite, going for a smoke so see you around,” said Hyungwon as he stood up and moved towards the exit.

Minhyuk and Jooheon looked at Hoseok.

-“Give him time, he will calm down,” said Jooheon while picking up his chopsticks. 

-“He has the right to be angry with me,” he said sighing.

-“He isn’t mad because you hit him but because you were high,” said Minhyuk shrugging.

It made Hoseok raise his eyebrow but he decided not to ask any further questions. 

To be continued...


	2. Because of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaay, this chapter is a bit shorter but I decided to keep the rest for the next one. And whoops, I thought it would be a light story but I kind of crossed the line...  
Sorry, not too much Hyungwonho and Shownu has not appeared yet, but it seems the story will be longer than expected. 
> 
> P.S.1 For those who are interested, yellow carnations symbolize disappointment and rejection, purple imply capriciousness and dark red - affection and love. It's not that deep but I did keep it in mind while picking those.
> 
> P.S.2 Have you heard the newest Japanese album? I am absolutely in love with Thriller and I don't know how to stop.
> 
> As usual, thanks for your time ~

When Hyungwon was back for the next class Minhyuk didn’t start bombarding him with ridiculous questions or ideas, which he was grateful for. 

After getting home later that night he put his shoes tiredly off as he leaned against his entrance door, looking to the right. There was a calendar hanging there, one of the European cities was a delight for his eyes but he sighed when his gaze fell on the circled date at the end of the month. He fancies October, but sometimes he wishes it wouldn’t be so nostalgic. 

The next couple of days Hoseok cannot stop thinking that he is spied on because every time his feet step on the university ground Jooheon pops up out of nowhere. He likes the kid but he is a little too much.

-“Hoseok,” screams Jooheon for the 100th time.

-“How do you manage to find me every single time,” he mumbled and turned around to finally look at the guy when he realized he wasn’t alone.

Changkyun was silently watching him. Hoseok gave him a questioning look but didn’t say anything.

-“Who’s that?” Hoseok asked Jooheon.

-This is Changkyun, the brain of our squad if you will.

Changkyun slowly nodded at him with a piercing look in the eyes. Hoseok didn’t think he meant any evil but there was something unsettling about him. He didn’t trust him.

-“Nice to meet you,” said Hoseok extending his hand.

All three of them went to have breakfast which Hoseok wasn’t sure was necessary but Jooheon insisted. He ordered coffee and silently watched the other two for a while when something crossed his mind.

-“I haven’t seen Hyungwon since that time. Is he still avoiding me?” Hoseok asked Jooheon.

-“You probably won’t see him till the end of the month, maybe another week of the next as well,” Changkyun answered before Jooheon could part his lips.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow.

-What do you mean?

-“I don’t think you’re in a position to ask any further questions,” Changkyun continued.

His gut instinct was right, Changkyun wasn’t very fond of him either.

-Don’t be so mean, Changkyun-ah. I don’t think Hyungwon actually cares if we tell him or not. He will eventually find out anyway if he sticks around for long enough.

Changkyun glared at Jooheon.

-Find out what?

-“The last time you saw him, he got mad at you,” Jooheon said rubbing his chin, thinking.

-Don’t know how to say it. Well, when he was younger he dated this girl and she was probably his first love. She cheated on him and died in a car crash with her new boyfie. Both of them were high. He is very prejudiced towards people who take any sort of drugs. 

Both Jooheon and Changkyun were looking at Hoseok, expecting some sort of reaction. Hoseok wasn’t sure which one would be the most appropriate so he just went with his own feelings.

-“I won’t sympathize with him if that’s the reason you told me about it,” Hoseok said carefully but there was a hardly noticeable note of sadness.

-“We don’t expect your pity, we just want you to not take anything while you’re around Hyungwon,” Changkyun said while turning to look outside the window.

Jooheon seemed to be disappointed but Hoseok was tired to say exactly what people expected him to. He switched the topic and never asked any further related questions. 

After his classes ended Hoseok went around the university to see if he comes across a specific person in his mind, he didn’t. So with a slight feeling of disappointment, he went in the direction of Hyungwon’s place, getting a bottle of whiskey on his way. To his surprise, he wasn’t home but he decided to wait, sitting down on the stairs he checked his phone: - 19:44. “I will wait for 15 minutes and if he doesn’t come I will call it a day,” Hoseok said in his mind. 

He was wrong, almost one and a half hours later, he was smoking who knows what number cigarette and drinking the whiskey straight from the bottle, noticing Hyungwon walking up, his gaze down. 

-“Hey, pretty boy,” Hoseok said tipsily but in a slightly seductive manner.

Hyungwon looked up at him, showing a disgusted look.

-“What are you doing here?” Hyungwon said as he stopped to open his door. 

Hoseok jumped on his feet and threw a cigarette butt away, exhaling the remaining smoke out of his lungs while inviting himself into the apartment. 

Hyungwon sat down on the couch turning his phone on and then glancing at Hoseok who was slowly taking his shoes off.

-“I don’t get it, which part you didn’t understand of our previous conversation?! I said I don’t want to see that mug of yours ever again, didn't I?” Hyungwon said tonelessly.

-“You didn’t mean it, pretty boy,” Hoseok said while flopping on the couch next to Hyungwon.

-First of all, stop calling me that. Second of all, for fuck's sake, every time I see you you’re either drunk, high or fighting. What kind of life do you have?

Hoseok didn’t let his words bother him but nevertheless, they did annoy him. The alcohol was kicking in and his shitty personality was slipping through his disguise.

-“Yeah, I am not the brightest but at least my girl hasn’t cheated on me or died on me” he snorted and instantly regretted it. “Okay, sorry, I didn’t mean to. It’s the alcohol talking,” he rashly continued while peeking at Hyungwon who was not looking at him, just aimlessly staring somewhere in the direction of the window.

-“Was it Minhyuk or Jooheon?” Hyungwon finally asked looking now straight at Hoseok.

-“Jooheon,” Hoseok said averting his eyes, “I asked about your whereabouts and it kind of escalated.”

-Why did you ask about me?

-Because I was curious?

Hyungwon snorted as he stood up and went to get two whiskey glasses. He returned to his previous spot and poured generously in both of them.

-“I don’t like you. Not at the moment, anyways. You’ve brought more trouble than good so far. I noticed Jooheon likes you and I am in no position to dictate him but I warn you” Hyungwon now turned around to look at Hoseok “My patience is running thin. Maybe I don’t care what people think about me, but when you run your filthy mouth without any filter don’t expect me to tolerate you. Next time it won’t be only your guts,” Hyungwon said while narrowing his eyes on him.

-“I didn’t want to offend you. Actually, I came here to make up with you,” He said disappointed. “I don’t want you to hate me, you genially piqued my interest.” 

Hyungwon didn’t reply to that, he was slowly but steadily emptying the liquid inside his glass. 

-“Hey,” Hoseok whispered while leaning towards Hyungwon.

Hyungwon turned to look at the guy but before he could say anything he got kissed. Hoseok pressed his lips and immediately put his right hand around Hyungwon’s nape. Hyungwon didn’t respond but Hoseok didn’t give up. However, in no time Hyungwon started kissing him back, grabbing him by the collar and pulling towards himself. He wasn’t overly passionate but because Hoseok tried to dominate the situation he was pretty aggressive. When the kiss was over Hoseok leaned back in the armrest, smirking.

-“You lied, you do like me,” he said grinning from ear to ear.

Hyungwon sighed and turned to look at Hoseok.

-“You’re attractive, yes. But as I said before, I am not fond of your ways and this is a real issue here.”

He slowly stood up and made a couple of steps towards bedroom direction. 

-“Close the door when you leave,” he turned around.

-“That’s it?” Hoseok said disappointed.

-“Yeah, I might like that face of yours but I am not in the mood to sleep with someone I know nothing about and you’re already on my black list. I don’t think it’s worth it.” He finished and left towards the bedroom without waiting for an answer.

Hoseok’s level of alcohol was getting into his head but the part that was still sane put Hoseok in a slight sense of heartache.

“That hurt,” he thought to himself as he took the bottle and poured another glass. After he finished it, the idea of going home sounded ridiculous, he knew Hyungwon wouldn’t be that mad if he stayed the night. The guy looked pretty chill. 

He took him home and even tolerated getting punched in the face but Hoseok wanted what he wanted. And at this moment he wanted Hyungwon. Usually, he didn’t have to worry about this part because the partners never seemed to mind. They were either into him or not. The fact that Hyungwon both rejected and accepted him made him desire him even more. So his drunk and exhausting mind found it more than acceptable to go to sleep in Hyungwon’s bed.

Hoseok slowly went in the direction of the bedroom, stopping by the wall, taking a deep breath. Only now did he notice a door opposite to it. He was shocked he hasn’t noted it before but forgets about it a second later as he opens the door and silently closes it behind.

He takes his clothes off and carefully gets in the bed, tugging the sheets in his direction. He adjusts to the dark room and tries to find Hyungwon’s face. Hoseok hears his slow breathing and without much thought comes closer to the other guy and pets him on top of the head for a time being. When he has no more energy as the sleep is taking over him, he kisses him on what he thinks is forehead and wraps his left hand around the torso, fast falling into a deep sleep. 

Hyungwon was the first one to wake up, before even opening his eyes he already dreaded the upcoming day. He had to get ready and pack for his trip. When his consciousness cleared a little bit he felt someone’s presence. He opened his eyes slowly and the first thing he saw was Hoseok, breathing slowly, hands touching Hyungwon’s forearm. 

“He must be fucking kidding me,” Hyungwon thought to himself. 

-“Hey, wake up.” Hyungwon said touching him by the shoulder. 

Hoseok didn’t wake up but slightly moved his body in a different direction. Hyungwon watched him for a minute, blinking sleepily. 

-“Oi, I said to wake the hell up,” Hyungwon said a little louder.

-“Hmm another 5 minutes,” Hoseok said, his voice raspy.

Hyungwon gave him a funny look and stood up and motioned towards the kitchen. He made himself a cup of coffee and went to sit on the balcony, the weather was restless. The clouds were fast and dark, the wind piercing and it looked like it might rain later in the day. He was deep in his thoughts, he hasn’t noticed someone approaching him.

-“Morning,” Hoseok kissed Hyungwon on the top of the head, slowly made his way on the chair next to him.

Hyungwon followed him with his gaze until he sat down and yawned.

-“The last time I checked it was my apartment. You look more than comfortable.” Hyungwon said irritably.

-“I thought you wouldn’t mind,” Hoseok said with a sleepy voice.

-“Well, I do. Now, get out. I need to get ready.” Hyungwon slowly stood up and went inside.

Hoseok quickly came after him and stopped him by the hand. 

-“Come on, if you don’t have classes today we can spend it together or something. I will take you on a date,” Hoseok said shyly smiling.

Hyungwon turned to look at Hoseok, his hair was messy and slight marks of the pillow were still there.

-Cannot, I am going outside town today. And another thing, did you listen to me yesterday? What’s going on inside that head of yours?

-“Yeah, I did and I know I have a chance,” Hoseok said grinning as he kissed him on the shoulder and lazily went to the bedroom to pick his stuff.

Hyungwon was standings still, glued to the spot. He has never seen people that were so full of themselves. A minute later Hoseok went out, fully clothed as he grabbed his wallet and phone that were laying on the table near the sofa.

-Ok, I don’t want to be in your way if you are leaving. When are you coming back?

-"I don’t know," Hyungwon said slowly following Hoseok with his eyes. 

Hoseok thought for a moment.

-“Ok, I will find you,” he said and pulled Hyungwon’s hand to make him go down on his level’s height, but before Hoseok could land him a kiss Hyungwon put a hand in front of his face.

-“Hmm, playing hard to get. I see you.” Hoseok smiled again and silently left, closing the door behind him.

Hyungwon was standing there for a while, both bemused and amused, if it was even possible. When he snapped out of the trance he scratched his head and slowly cursed inside his mind, thinking it was probably the highlight of his day. 

He slowly went to take a shower and packed a couple of shirts, a pair of pants and a pair of snickers. He wore a suit, even though he knew it would get crinkled in the train. He checked whether the windows were closed and slowly made his way outside the door, heading towards Seoul Station. He bought a bullet train ticket to Gwangju and since he had another 20 minutes before departure he went to have a cigarette.

He slowly inhaled and exhaled while looking up the sky, it was even darker than before but no signs of rain so far. “I hope it won’t rain until late at night,” Hyungwon thought as he put a cigarette out and headed towards the secondary tracks. The ride was fast but for Hyungwon it felt like an eternity, so when in less than two hours he stepped out of the bullet train he felt extreme exhaustion. 

He slowly moved his legs thinking whether he should take public transportation or a taxi. He wasn’t in the mood for waiting so he chose the second option. In less than 30 minutes the cab parked near a semidetached house. It wasn’t humongous but it had a nice vibe and the quantity of the flowers planted near the entrance door made the house stand out. He gave the driver an exact amount of cash and slowly stepped out. He rummaged for the keys before he entered the house.

-“Mom, dad I am home,” Hyungwon said loudly and the frequency of it made his ears ache.

There were fast steps from the second floor.

-“Darling, you arrived” his mother ran to give her son a big and tight hug.

-Mom, you’re hurting me.

His mother laughed softly.

-How are you feeling today?

-Tired, where is dad?

-He is working.

Hyungwon nodded as he went to the living room to put away his stuff.

-“I saw Mrs. Kim in the early morning but I rather you give her a quick visit if you want to.” His mother said softly.

Hyungwon nodded. He went towards the kitchen’s sink and washed his hands, after he ran his wet hand in his hair and in the end, he harshly sighed.

-“Are you alright, honey? You know you don’t have to do it, maybe it’s time to let it go.” She said gently as she went to hug her son from the behind.

-“It’s alright, I do it for myself in the end.” He returned the hug for a quick moment but shortly after headed towards the entrance door to put his shoes on.

His mother watched him and seemed like she wanted to say something but stopped before she could utter anything. 

-“I will go, mom,” Hyungwon said calmly, he tried to smile but failed miserably.

-“Have a safe trip, call me if you are coming late or need something.” She sighed and turned towards the kitchen without waiting for Hyungwon to leave.

He stepped outside the house and started to walk in the downtown’s direction. He greeted a couple of neighbors on his way but didn’t stop to chitchat as most of them expected him to. After a 15 minute walk, he was in front of a flower shop. He stepped inside and without thinking for too long he bought a big bouquet of yellow and purple carnations. Afterward, he grabbed a taxi to the cemetery that was located on the outskirts of the city. He was taking slow but long steps towards the gravestone, smoking a cigarette and watching birds that were flying lower than usual, meaning it will rain for sure. 

When he was almost at the place he noticed someone squatted near the tombstone, “Yoo Kihyun,” Hyungwon thought and his blood pressure immediately raised.

-“Get the hell out of here,” Hyungwon demanded while coming closer and stopping at the respectable distance.

Kihyun raised his head, his expression was sad but as soon as he noticed the stranger his face turned sour. Hyungwon noticed a big bouquet of dark red carnations lying next to the tombstone, he smirked. His eyes then darted on Kihyun.

-“I said get the fuck out of here, you got no business here,” Hyungwon repeated louder this time.

Kihyun stood up and adjusted his suit and then approached Hyungwon.

-“I don’t think so, I feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t belong here you, the embarrassment of nature.” Kihyun poked him in the chest. 

Hyungwon was getting annoyed but he tried to keep it together. 

-“You are petty, Kihyun. Don’t make me laugh,” Hyungwon said looking at his shoes.

At this moment he can see the other guy grabbing him by the collar. 

-Listen to me, Chae. You look rather good for someone who killed Jisoo, even though it wasn’t first-hand.

Hyungwon looked him in the eye, gaze dark and malicious.

-“Stop running your fucking mouth if you don’t know shit, you fucker” Hyungwon snapped and shoved him off, rummaging for a pack and lighting a cigarette. 

After he inhaled his first drag he continued.

-“Do you think I want to see you? I am fed up to see that salty mug of yours. Are you calling me a murderer? Do you think I killed her?" Hyungwon pointed at the gravestone "I loved her with all my might and all she could do is to get high and get killed with some random punk, and you,” after another drag he said “You’ve always been a coward. I know you loved her as well, but she chose me and you never even tried to take her away. Your heart of coward cannot do shit, you can only be a salty bitch even after all these years. I won’t repeat myself, get the fuck out of here before I paint that face of yours in crimson red in front of your “Love”" He said angrily. 

Kihyun looked at him with suspicion and then sighed; he spared the last look towards the gravestone and silently started to walk away. Hyungwon watched him leave and when he was nowhere to be seen he put his cigarette out in his empty pack and put it next to him, sitting on the freezing ground, laying his flowers opposite to Kihyun’s.

-“I am sorry you had to witness it, but I don’t regret anything I said,” he mumbled while inspecting the tombstone. 

He was lost in thoughts, thinking of random things connected to the girl that died years ago, but memory fresh, as if it happened only yesterday. He was recalling their first dates and all the times Jisoo made him do things he found bothersome. The train of thoughts was random but she always looked happy and cheerful in them. After more than an hour, and another half a pack of cigarettes Hyungwon felt a drizzling rain falling down on his hair and suit. He looked up and a cold gust of wind made him shiver. 

He then remembered the day he found out the news of her death, it was also raining. He narrowed his eyes and felt a sharp pang in his chest. He took a deep breath and slowly stood up. He slowly touched the top of the gravestone and whispered “I hope you are happy,” and silently walked away.

The rain was getting heavier and the sky was darker than black at this point, Hyungwon didn’t care. He left the cemetery and walked by the highway. The bus has left and his phone was dead. By the time he got towards somewhat civilization, it was a little after 5 p.m.

All he wanted to do was go home but he decided to visit Jisoo’s parents first.

To say he was unhappy that it was neither Mrs. nor Mr. Kim who answered the door would be an understatement. His feelings were not in check and he was developing a migraine, so when Kihyun was the one who opened the door he turned on his heels and started to walk away but Kihyun grabbed him by the arm.

-“Don’t be such a pain in the ass, go and greet the parents since you came,” Kihyun said gritting his teeth. He was as unhappy as Hyungwon.

Hyungwon sighed sharply and walked inside the house, taking his shoes off and briskly walking into the living room, he was so familiar with.

-“Hyungwon, sweaty” Mrs. Kim said cheerfully “I haven’t seen you in so long, have you grown even taller?” She went to hug him.

-“It’s nice to see you as well, Mrs. Kim, I hope you are doing great,” Hyungwon said faking a bright smile.

-“Oh god, you’re all wet” she yelped. “Did you come straight from the cemetery?”

He slowly nodded and before Mrs. Kim could say anything Mr. Kim showed up.

-“Son, good to see you,” he said extending his hand to shake Hyungwon’s.

-“How is your health?” Hyungwon asked politely.

-“Everything’s good, I hope you are doing okay too.” He said in a nice and calm voice.

-Yes, thank you.

-“Come, the dinner will be ready soon and a couple of other Jisoo’s friends came.” Mr. Kim said with a hint of nostalgia.

Hyungwon regretted he decided to visit them on this day. He sighed and practiced his fake smile before entering the living room. Kihyun was there talking with a couple of their mutual friends. He knew every single person of them, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk to any of them. 

He practiced his invisibility during dinner which seemed to work perfectly but when Mrs. Kim made him stay for a couple of drinks and a dessert afterward it became more difficult. He escaped to the backyard to have a cigarette, when another, once a friend but now no more than acquaintance bombarded him with questions he found beyond stupid. He was sitting on the bench, legs stretched, a glass of gin and tonic to his right and a cigarette in his left hand, mind half-blank. 

He grimaced when he noticed the person opening and closing the glass door behind him. He watched Kihyun lighting a cigarette for a second and then turned away.

It was an uncomfortable silence. Kihyun cleared his throat. 

-“Keep it to yourself, I don’t want to hear anything coming from you,” Hyungwon said, he knew Kihyun was about to speak up.

-“I want to talk to you as much as you do,” he said mockingly.

-“Great, now shut up.” Hyungwon took a sip of his drink.

-"You’re such a bitch. I wonder why you decided to go for Business Relationships or whatever you study when all you did as a kid was draw your fucking pictures and write your stupid poems. Aren’t you the epiphany of an artist? You should be drawing your god forgotten paintings during the day and drink and cry your sorrows away during the night.” Kihyun said spitefully.

Hyungwon turned around to look at the guy, he was staring back, an evil grin playing on his face. 

-What? Am I wrong? All you do is whine and pity yourself. You’ve always been like that. 

-“So you do want to dirty your suit in the end,” Hyungwon said calmly while looking inside his glass.

-Trembling with fear.

-As you should.

Hyungwon stood up and came impossibly close to Kihyun. He zoomed on his face and fixed his eyes on the guy for a while. 

-“Yoo Kihyun, I might be a petty person but you are one shallow motherfucker. You still cannot get over she chose me instead of you, huh?” He came even closer. 

Kihyun narrowed his eyes on him but didn’t say anything. 

-“That’s the way it should be, hamster. The smallest dog barks the loudest. You can only talk nonsense, leave me alone.” Hyungwon said and turned to walk inside the house but he was stopped by the forearm.

-“Get the fuck from me,” Hyungwon said louder than necessary as he shoved Kihyun with all his might making him stumble down and fall on his butt.

He quickly stomped inside the house and picked his stuff, saying a brief goodbye to Kim family and leaving the house, not looking back even once.

As soon as he came home, he went upstairs to take a shower and plop on the bed, closing his eyes with his left hand, laying still. Ten minutes later he heard a soft knock on the door and his mother entering the room.

-“You didn’t change a thing since I last came,” he whispered. 

-“I want it this way, this room will always belong to a seventeen year’s old Hyungwon,” his mother said softly as she sat at his legs.

-How was it? 

-Horrible, Yoo Kihyun was there.

-You haven’t made up? It’s been years, Hyungwonnie. 

-He turned out to be even worse than he used to be as a kid, mom.

She laughed.

-I don’t think he is a bad kid, he just has different ways of doing things.

-I don’t think so.

-How long are you staying?

-I am not sure yet, maybe another couple of days.

-“Alright,” she kissed him on the forehead and left as silently as she appeared. 

Hyungwon was lying for a long time in his dark room, watching dark figures of his belongings and things he long forgot existed. It was a little bit after 3 a.m. when sleep finally came upon him.

The next couple of days he spent in the circle of his family. He went out with some of his old friends but he didn’t stay long, so when he was asked to go out for drinks before going back to Seoul he was more than reluctant but agreed anyway. 

The night promised to be good but Hyungwon never seemed to learn his lesson. In no time a small group of people he still had warm feelings towards turned into a rowdy mess, again, Kihyun was somewhere at the end of the table. People who hated his guts during high school were now spurring nonsense in his ears. His headache was getting worse every minute. He hated it. So when Hyungwon excused himself, the guy who claimed himself to be a bully during high school only laughed, mumbling something like: 

-Here comes Chae, the one who always needs to excuse himself whenever all the fun is about to start.

-“What did you say?” Hyungwon asked turning back.

-“Nothing,” he smirked.

Hyungwon sighed and went out to smoke, his high school buddy following him.

-“I am sorry, Won. I didn’t know they will invite so many random people” Leo said disappointed.

Hyungwon didn’t say anything, just moved his cigarette back and forth. He asked Leo to bring his stuff, excusing himself he didn’t feel too good. Leo tried to propose to go somewhere else, only two of them but was rejected. Leo apologized once again, as he slowly saw Hyungwon walking away.

Hyungwon walked for a long time, he wasn’t sure how long. Maybe it was an hour, maybe three but by the time he got home it was way past midnight and his head was ready to split in half.

He felt an episode that has been happening from time to time for the past couple of years was about to hit him again. He cursed of the thought of what awaits him.

To be continued...


	3. Bring color to my sky.

Hyungwon has been having them for years, the darkest times for him. If one would explain it: - body completely still, him lying in his pitch-black room on the back. Even though the episodes have been less frequent than before, they have been getting worse. Only the idea of it was giving him goosebumps and a headache. And after spending a couple of days in his home town he felt it coming, undeniably. Without further due, he rashly said his goodbyes to his family and left back to Seoul. He got to the train station early in the morning. The air was freezing and his breath white. The autumn started to show its true colors. He ordered a taxi and in less than 20 minutes Hyungwon was turning the key. 

The flat looked exactly the same but somehow he didn’t feel at home. Hyungwon took a long bath and tried to concentrate on his homework he neglected longer than he could afford when an incredibly painful wave of headache hit him, noises of distant cars screeching were getting louder, his peripheral vision darkened. 

He slowly put the pen away, while leaning back in his chair, sighing profoundly.

The rest couple of days he was no better than a corpse. The room was stuffy, his shades down, him lying on his back with an ice pack that turned into a lukewarm liquid a long time ago. He was falling asleep and another moment is woken up by delirious dreams. 

From time to time he would look around his dim room, objects shimmering, and his mind was messing with him making him see all of the unpleasant things. Pressure in the air. He felt beyond horrible. 

On Thursday night, while being still delirious he heard distant knocks at the door. It felt as if he fell asleep but another moment the knocks were getting louder and more persistent.

“Go away,” was the only thought that was crossing Hyungwon’s mind but the knocks didn’t stop. 

With a huge difficulty, he managed to stand up and with the help of the wall, he managed to open the door.

It took him a while to realize who was standing in front of him: “Changkyun.”

Hyungwon was blankly staring at him for a while; Changkyun was looking at him with slightly opened mouth.

-“Hey, are you alright?” He finally managed to say while coming closer and cupping Hyungwon’s face.

-“Uhh Changkyun-ah, maybe you should come another time” as he turned away trying to compose himself. 

-“I knew I had to come earlier, your mom contacted me. You don’t pick up her calls.” As he silently cursed while inspecting Hyungwon’s face. 

Statistically, Hyungwon’s lips were drawing people’s attention but now you could see only his prominent dark circles. The skin around the eye area so thin, the veins were surfacing. Once, his bored but quite noticeable and attentive eyes lost their sparkle, now looking disoriented and sunken. 

-“You need to lie down,” Changkyun said while pulling him by the wrist into the bedroom.

The room was dark and extremely stuffy. 

Changkyun helped Hyungwon into the bed, who immediately put the blanket over himself. 

-Can I open the window? You need fresh air.

-Don’t, the noise is unbearable.

Changkyun watched him for a while and then sat at his legs while petting on what he thought was his thigh.

-“Can I help you with something?” he whispered.

There was no response.

-Hyungwon, talk to me.

-Leave me alone, please.

-I will be in the living room if you need anything.

-N-no, go away.

Changkyun looked at Hyungwon’s figure under the blankets and left the bedroom as quietly as he could. After 20 minutes or so he came back with an ice pack. Hyungwon was lying on his back, he seemed to be asleep but he was restless. He pushed the blanket aside and gently put the ice pack on his forehead, brushing his damp hair away. 

The next moment Hyungwon came into consciousness was when he became aware of a beam of light at the end of his curtain. He didn’t know how long it took him but he guessed it should be late noon or early afternoon. He tried to sit up and realized the pain wasn’t as awful. He reluctantly stood up and slowly went to the bathroom. When he was done he felt extremely thirsty, so he slowly moved his body towards the fridge. He was about to turn to the left where his fridge was situated when he noticed a figure laying on the couch. Hyungwon slowly approached it and realized it was Changkyun.

-“Baby”, Hyungwon whispered while hardly noticeably touching Changkyun’s curled body on the couch.

Changkyun woke up with a start, jumping up with surprise.

-“You’re awake,” he mumbled while rubbing his eyes and coming closer to Hyungwon. 

-“When did you come?” Hyungwon turned away.

Changkyun raised an eyebrow.

-You don’t remember? I came yesterday evening.

-“Did I do anything stupid?” he was still looking somewhere to the right.

Changkyun tilted his head towards Hyungwon’s direction.

-No, don’t worry about it. 

-“I am sorry,” Huyngwon whispered. 

-“Hey, look at me,” Changkyun tried to push his chin towards his direction but Hyungwon refused to follow the motion.

-“I must be smelling like death,” he mumbled “take my card from the wallet and order everything you like to eat, the price doesn’t matter” Hyungwon whispered as he turned on his heel and first went to the bedroom and a moment later he closed the bathroom door with a hardly noticeable click. 

Hyungwon took a long time. Changkyun checked on him twice before he stepped out of the bathroom, towel around his shoulders, cheeks flushed, eyes still disoriented and lost. 

-“I ordered some of your favorite dishes,” Changkyun said while turning to look at Hyungwon.

They kept an eyes contact for a while before Hyungwon broke it. 

-“I wanted you to order what you like, I am not hungry.” He turned and disappeared in the hallway.

Changkyun followed him.

-“You need to eat, I am sure you haven’t eaten in days,” Changkyun said while leaning against an open door.

-“But I am not,” he said while drying his hair.

-“Are you sure you don’t want to go home? You must be tired,” said Hyungwon while rummaging for something inside his drawer that was situated next to the bed.

Changkyun’s eyes slowly became wider as the realization came what he was holding in his hand.

-“You won’t!” protested Changkyun.

-“I will not what?” he looked at him with irritation.

-You shall not go in there and lock yourself for another week.

Hyungwon just blinked at him and slowly passed him by, silently opening the door opposite to his bedroom and as silently closing it behind. 

Changkyun just stared at the closed door for a moment, and then another one.

There are all sorts of ways people cope with stress. Even though there are statistics, things are not always the same. Hyungwon copes with his stress through drawing. He used to draw as an inspiration when he used to be younger, not anymore. For the last five years, most of his paintings were murky. He didn’t necessarily try to get out of this state. He just let this comfortable blanket of darkness wrap him up until he feels a little better, a little lighter and when the feeling is gone he is ready to start a new chapter of his life. 

Changkyun was sitting on the couch, biting his nails when his phone rang.

-“Changkyun, you punk! Why don’t you pick up why calls?” yelled Minhyuk.

Chankyun sighed.

-I am at Hyungwon’s.

-“Oh,” came both surprised and concerned exclamation. “How is he doing?” 

-Worse than expected.

-How bad?

-“I don’t know, Minhyuk. I don’t know how to grade his fucked up mind!” Changkyun almost yelled and then realized Hyungwon might hear him.

-“He is bad, he had this headache episode and now he locked himself in his fucking room of skeletons,” Changkyun said frantically.

Minhyuk was silent for a while on the other side.

-I will come over, I can be there in 15.

-No! I don’t think he is in the mood for more than one person occupying his space. 

-“Ok, meet me in the Momma coffee in 10 then, I will bring Jooheon” Minhyuk hang up.

Changkyun tapped on the door before he silently stepped in.

-Hey, I will step out for a while. Do you want something?

Hyungwon, who was sitting in front of now dirty canvas full of smudges of dark blue and black looked at him.

-“You can go home. I don’t know why you want to come back.” Hyungwon said while turning back to blankly look at what supposed to be a painting.

After half an hour or so there was a knock at the door. Hyungwon reluctantly stood up and went to open the door, thinking it was Changkyun. Without looking who it actually was, he opened it and slowly moved his feet towards the room. However, he stopped halfway to look at the person who asked him a question, he obviously wasn’t Changkyun.

-“What’s up?” was a simple question.

Hyungwon looked at Hoseok, who was not smiling but his face pleased, holding a bottle of liquor.

-“Are you aware that you have a problem with liquid substances?” he asked while staring at the bottle.

In spite of that, he approached Hoseok and took it off his hands, walking towards the kitchen and fetching some glasses and ice.

Hoseok was watching him.

-You look beat.

Hyungwon didn’t say anything.

-Where have you been?

There was no response.

Hyungwon poured himself a glass, leaving the rest and going back towards the room, closing the door behind, leaving Hoseok dumbfounded. Hoseok made himself a drink and followed the guy, without a knock he entered.

The room was probably as big as Hyungwon’s bedroom, spacious but empty. There wasn’t much - a couch that was stained by all sorts of acrylics, the walls had been white at some point but now they were all shades of colors, the dark ones dominating. It looked as if someone deliberately poured them on the walls straight from the cans. There was one shelf, full of books and a canvas with a chair where Hyungwon sat. Random pieces of papers and books were lying around the room. 

-“What’s this?” Hoseok mumbled.

-I am not in the mood to talk to you, so stay silent or get the hell out of here.

Hoseok plopped on the couch, watching Hyungwon’s bent silhouette. He was watching him for a while, Hyungwon sitting there for a long time motionlessly, a brush in his hand. 

-“You’re acting weird,” Hoseok said after taking a sip of his drink.

-“You’ve been weird since I met you.” Came a simple reply.

Hoseok picked up the papers that were randomly lying on the ground. Some of them were school essays, some of them were random, ripped up parts of books, and some of them were poems. 

-Are you some sort of artistic soul or something?” Hoseok wondered. 

Hyungwon didn’t budge. So when after some time there was still no any sort of reaction Hoseok stood up and went where Hyungwon was, making him turn to look at his direction.

-"Do you hear me?” he asked while looking into his eyes.

Hyungwon was staring back for a while before Hoseok looked away.

-So? Did you hear me?

-“I am not deaf. You’re tiring me, shut up or go away.” Hyungwon said while turning away to look outside the window. 

-Don’t be so mean.

Hyungwon snorted.

-You’re quite handy, aren’t you? Do you feel lonely or something? Why did you come?

Hoseok stood up and in a matter of seconds, he was now holding on Hyungwon’s collar of a t-shirt.

-“Huh? Do you want to punch me? It came into my consideration, that’s the way you deal with all of your conflicts” Hyungwon said while tracing his eyes from Hoseok’s hand to his face.

Hoseok just stared at him, he looked him in the eye and while turning away for a second he brought his face close to Hyungwon’s. Hyungwon didn’t show any reaction so he leaned to kiss him, but it was not reciprocated and soon Hyungwon put his hand in front of his face. 

-“Are you that desperate to fuck?” Hyungwon was watching him, his expression was very bored.

Hoseok straightened his figure and came closer to the window.

-You don’t have to worry about it.

-What do you mean?

-It’s taken care of.

Hyungwon narrowed his eyes.

-What do you mean?

-It means exactly what it means. I just like you, okay?

Hyungwon looked at the ceiling, watching a shadow of the lamp.

-You sleep with others while claiming you like me. It would be funny if it wasn’t so true. I am a little disappointed but life taught me not to have too many expectations of people.

Hoseok looked at Hyungwon.

-What do you mean?

-“Just get the fuck out.” Hyungwon glared at him.

-What are you so angry for? It’s not like we are dating.

-“Exactly, and never will. Now, leave.” Hyungwon said while turning back to his canvas.

Hoseok stood there for a second before he approached Hyungwon, pushing him his way.

-Are you judging me?

Hyungwon looked at Hoseok’s bloodshot eyes, full of questions and unnecessary feelings.

-Not anymore. Maybe I did the first or second or even a third time…but not anymore. Now, how many times should I tell you to get out? My headache is getting worse because of you.

Hoseok was fuming.

-Oh yeah? What’s with that? Are you judging me even though I am technically single?

-I don’t care if you are single or taken; it has nothing to do with me. Technically speaking, I don’t give a fuck. Whatever I told you last time is still valid; you on your own accord came to annoy me. 

Hyungwon took his head in his arms, sharp pain piercing his skull.

At this moment both of them can hear a door being opened, inaudible whispers coming from the other side of the flat. Hoseok turned around to figure who it might be but before he could think of anything he heard Hyungwon say.

-“I am begging you, please.” Hyungwon said while his face was wincing with pain.

Hoseok turned around to look at Hyungwon but before he could do anything Changkyun entered the room, his face was first confused but it turned into annoyance as soon as he noticed Hoseok.

-The fuck are you doing here?

-And you?

Changkyun saw Hyungwon and approached him, landing on his knee, trying to look at his face. Hoseok was giving them a weird look.

-"What did you do to him? Do you know how…" Changkyun was about to finish his question but Hyungwon interrupted. 

Hyungwon snapped back to reality and glared at each of them one by one.

-“I warned you.” He calmly said. “Get the fuck out of my place, both of you,” he was now yelling, standing on his feet pushing both of them.

-“Hyungwon,” said Changkyun.

-I don’t care and I want you to not care as well. 

He pushed them by arms to the entrance door and opened it to them while noticing Minhyuk who was looking like a doe observing the situation.

-“ You, too.” Hyungwon motioned with his finger towards the door “Out.”

Minhyuk looked baffled but stood up and picked his bag without saying a word.

-Take Changkyun’s as well.

Minhyuk took their stuff and motioned towards the door.

-“Can we talk?” Minhyuk asked before all three of them were pushed outside as the door was slammed in front of them, leaving them speechless.

-“It’s your fucking fault. Who the hell do you think you are?” Changkyun glared at Hoseok who was standing there, having a weird expression. 

-“What did he do?” Minhyuk wondered.

-“Don’t know, ask him yourself,” Changkyun said while snatching his backpack from Minhyuk and leaving. 

-“What’s wrong with him?” Hoseok asked nodding at a now-closed door.

-“Why are you here?” Minhyuk asked suspiciously.

-I wanted to see him?

Minhyuk narrowed his eyes on him.

-Do you like him or something?

-And what if I am?

Minhyuk mulled something inside his mind.

-“I am not sure if you’re fitting.” He said while slowly turning away and leaving.

-“The fuck is wrong with all of you. I lost my interest, you can sleep assured.” Hoseok yelled spitefully while repeating “You hear me? Rest assured” he repeated into the door quickly turning to walk away a second later. 

Hyungwon was crouched near the door, noises getting louder, the night was near but the light was too bright. He stood up and went to turn off all the lights, laying on the couch, trying to think of nothing but his mind was on the overdrive. He slowly moved towards the bedroom, slipping into unconsciousness. 

Hoseok has been moody for the last couple of days. Jooheon behaved as usual but whenever Changkyun came across Hoseok, the youngster was giving him death glares. So when he got tired of it he pulled him to the side, when both of them were getting off the university.

-Don’t you think your behavior is inappropriate?

-“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Changkyun said while putting his hands inside his pockets, looking away.

-I don’t care about Hyungwon anymore. He can do whatever he wants, but why is it you that you are upset with me?

Changkyun looked at him in disbelief, he gave the meanest laugh.

-“Wow, why am I not surprised?” Changkyun said now turning his full attention to Hoseok, standing right in front of him, closer than necessary.

-“I don’t like you,” Changkyun said and Hyungwon’s words immediately popped up “I don’t like you. Not at the moment, anyway.”

-“I mean, I had a good feeling about you when I heard from Jooheon but I regret it now. You’re not worth it.“ Another déjà vu popped inside Hoseok’s mind.

-“What? Do all of you talk in the same manner or do you share one brain among yourselves?” He mumbled.

-What the fuck are you talking about?

Hoseok raised an eyebrow at him. Changkyun sighed.

-What I am telling you is, leave Hyungwon alone. You are no help to him and I want someone near him who is trustworthy. You aren’t the one.

-Great news, I think the same.

-“Yeah, that’s what I am talking about. Let me give you a piece of advice, next time you try to pick someone up think twice if you want that person or not. You’re gross.” Changkyun grimaced and turned away. Hoseok was watching him leave.

That bunch is fucking out of it, all of them. He was slowly walking along the road when he noticed Jooheon ahead of him. He didn’t want to talk to him, so he tried to avoid him by crossing the road and turning by the first corner but he was found out. Jooheon turned to look back and looked Hoseok straight into eyes. He was talking on the phone, he turned and stopped, waited for Hoseok to keep up. Hoseok sighed, he wasn’t in the mood for any more unnecessary talks. 

Jooheon hung up by the time Hoseok kept up with him.

-“Hey,” Jooheon smiled.

-“Yeah,” Hoseok nodded hardly noticeably as they started to walk forward.

-“Do you have time?” Jooheon asked while turning to look at Hoseok.

-I have time but honestly speaking I don’t want to see you at the moment.

Jooheon looked up at the gray sky and was silent for a while.

-Changkyun was mean towards you, wasn’t he?

-He is a complete bitch.

-He is hard to deal with when you don’t know him. He is a cool guy.

-Not interested.

-“Look, he is very protective over Hyungwon. He might be the youngest but it’s just his way of taking care of him. Just let this time go.” Jooheon said slowly.

-I am not interested in him as well.

Jooheon looked at Hoseok with a slightly opened mouth.

-I thought you were pining him since your eyes landed on him.

-“Whatever, maybe I went ahead of myself. We don’t click and he got on my nerves so that’s where it ends.” Hoseok said snorting.

Jooheon was watching him in disbelief.

-“Hoseok, you can’t be serious. He let you in while being in the condition he was and was patient enough to stand you. Even though he snapped, you should give him some slack. I don’t know a lot of people who have these types of migraines. I wonder how he stands on his feet at times like these.” Jooheon said bemused. 

Hoseok turned to look Jooheon.

-Migraines?

-Haven’t you noticed how bad he looked? 

Hoseok turned to look ahead.

-Yeah, he looked horrible but I didn’t give it much thought.

-“Wow,” Jooheon exclaimed “I wonder if you are actually interested in him, if I saw my love interest like that I would at least be worried,” Jooheon said sighing.

Hoseok was silent for a long time, they managed to cross a so familiar park when he snapped out of the trance.

-“Where are we going?” asked Hoseok.

-Hyungwon asked me to get him a couple of things. You can go home, I thought it would be a good idea to bring you with me but maybe I was in a bit of a rush.

-“No, I will go with you,” Hoseok muttered as they entered a convenient store and Jooheon got a bunch of snacks and random drinks.

Jooheon was knocking on the door while Hoseok leaning against the wall, thinking whether it was a good idea.

Hyungwon slowly opened the door, face white as chalk.

Jooheon whistled.

-Man, you look worse than my grandma.

-“Thanks,” Hyungwon silently chuckled as he opened it wider to let Jooheon in but noticed someone he wouldn’t expect to see.

-“What are you doing here?” Hyungwon asked putting his head against the door, arms crossed.

-“I wanted to apologize,” Hoseok looked at Hyungwon.

-“Is there a reason for you to? You were right; I don’t know what got onto me. I had no right to lecture or push my feelings onto you.” He said calmly.

-“No, look. I blew up, okay? I just want you to forget about it. 

Hyungwon was looking at him, eyes sunken but there was something like sadness in them.

Hoseok could hear muffled Jooheon’s comments.

-“I will come later, alright?” Hoseok said while rashly leaving.

Hyungwon watched him leave, he then turned to close the door.

-“Why did you bring him?” Hyungwon asked as he slowly went to sit on the sofa.

-“Don’t know, I tried to be a matchmaker but I might have been too nosy. Sorry about it.” Jooheon said while typing a message. “But he looks like he likes you.”

Hyungwon was blankly staring at the wall, staying silent for a long time.

To be continued...


	4. Certain things hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who wanted a light story, do you feel fooled?! >:D  
I don't know what went wrong but I just couldn't stop. I am sorry.  
I really hope the story isn't confusing and makes sense, because..lol
> 
> Thanks for your time~

It was long after midnight. Jooheon was silently sleeping next to Hyungwon. Repetitive ticking of the clock was slowly but steadily driving him insane. Hyungwon got out of the bed, making sure Jooheon wasn’t awoken and went to get a coke from the fridge, shortly after going to the balcony, picking a pack of cigarettes that were lying on the coffee table next to the sofa on the way.

What seemed to be five minutes turned into 45 and three cigarettes later Hyungwon started shivering. He reluctantly stood up and went to grab a blanket, he wrapped it around his shoulders, while the trail was still on the floor he let it follow him. The nights have been getting darker. The stars were hardly noticeable, but the rising moon was striking and fast-moving clouds made it stand out even more. Hyungwon was staring at one spot for a long time. 

The train of thoughts was constant but he would probably have a hard time remembering what he was thinking about just 10 minutes ago.

It was way past four a.m. when he checked his phone.

He stared at it until it showed: - 4:44

-“Look at the time. Death. I wonder why people started to identify numbers with death or misfortune. There is nothing wrong with them, but now people’s superstitions put a shadow over it.” He thought.

-“Words like: Death is a mother of Beauty, while Beauty is Terror.” Randomly popped up in his mind. He couldn’t remember which philosopher it belonged to but he agreed with him. Death is both glorious and horrific, but at the end of the day, it is natural. It is ridiculous to run away from it but Hyungwon found it unfair to speed one’s own process, even though sometimes it does sound very attractive.

He felt his cheeks flush and a slight hits of pain started to form around his temple. He closed the door to the balcony and motioned towards the bedroom, sticking to the only source of heat - Jooheon. 

The next morning Hyungwon woke up he felt finally good. He had a slight headache, but in comparison to what he has experienced in the last week, it was nothing. Hyungwon stretched his arms and slowly went towards the kitchen, he was starving. 

-“Jooheon,” said Hyungwon while landing his eyes on a guy who turned his kitchen into a battlefield. 

He turned around with a start, almost spilling the pancake mixture. 

-“Hey,” he said widely smiling showing his dimples. “How are you feeling?”

-Like I just rose from the dead.

Jooheon laughed.

-You will feel even better after you try my exclusive lunch menu.

-“Who is going to clean this mess though?” Hyungwon smiled while coming at Jooheon’s side to give him a hand.

-What did you do before I woke up?

Hyungwon looked at the clock that showed 2:45 p.m.

-“Nothing much, I watched a movie, went to the convenience store and you know the rest,” Jooheon said while chewing on his piece of a pancake. “You should probably call your cleaning lady. She hasn’t been here for a while and it shows.”

-“Yeah, I probably should,” Hyungwon eyed the living room. It wasn’t a complete mess but it was on a dusty side and gave out a dirty aura.

Jooheon was a long time gone and Hyungwon was sitting at his desk, going through all of the unfinished homework. The next 24 hours he did nothing but study, with an exception of two power naps and a shower. 

His brain was slowly having a meltdown when there was a knock at the door.

-“Changkyun?” Hyungwon thought as he went to open the door. 

-“Get your stuff, let’s go out,” Hoseok said without any prior greetings. 

Hyungwon looked at him with suspicion.

-“Why?” While he leaned against the door, looking at Hoseok’s big bag.

-“Come on, hurry up. Otherwise, it will get dark.” Hoseok pushed Hyungwon inside the flat making him fetch his coat and keys.

-“You know, I have a shit ton of school material to do,” Said Hyungwon as they were climbing up the hill.

-I can help you.

-Hyungwon raised an eyebrow.

-Are you smart?

-Not really, but I am still two years older, right?

Hyungwon laughed out loud. 

A couple of minutes later they were on the top of the hill.

-“It’s pretty but I’ve seen this view before,” Hyungwon turned to look at Hoseok.

-I know, sit down.

Both of them sat on a bench, crossing their legs in a lotus position. Hoseok rummaged through his bag, which Hyungwon followed with curiosity. He took two scrapbooks and a pack of pencils out. Hyungwon looked at him puzzled.

-Do you want to draw?

-Yeah, Hoseok nodded.

-But I use acrylics. 

-I know and sorry but I am not good with paints, I am more comfortable with pencils or coal.

Hyungwon looked at Hoseok who was smiling.

-“I am surprised you can draw. I thought you can only use your fists to get into fights.” Hyungwon smiled.

-“Ja,” Hoseok laughed while shoving Hyungwon’s shoulder.

Both of them were silent for a long time. Hoseok focused on one building that he could clearly see and tried to mirror it on the paper. Hyungwon, on the other hand, concentrated on the atmosphere. The night was getting closer, the sun was about to set down. It was harder to shade on the paper but Hyungwon thought he was doing an ok job.

The sky was crimson-yellow when they finished. They looked at each other’s works.

-“You draw really well,” Hyungwon said surprised, “much better than me.”

-“I don’t think so,” Hoseok laughed. “ Furthermore, we have different styles. You are all about feelings and vibe, while I prefer the technical part of the drawing.”

Hyungwon shook his head.

-You’re wrong; it has its own feeling. Drawings or paintings are meaningless without the atmosphere.

-“Why do you prefer dark ones?” asked Hoseok, “I thought you will draw something else, but it is still dark and full of shading even though you haven’t used any paints.” 

Hyungwon laughed.

-How considerate of you, but it’s just my style. I don’t pick up my brushes often, but when I do they turn out to be the same.

-Are you happy?

Hyungwon turned to look at Hoseok.

-What kind of question is it?

-I don’t know, just curious. If you were to ask me, I would say I am not. At least, not at the moment. Nevertheless, I feel like I will be happier if you’re with me. 

Hyungwon turned to look at now dark city beyond their feet. 

-It is natural. You cannot be happy continually. If you were, you would probably forget what “happiness” feels like anyway. But the time comes and you will appreciate it with double force.

-“Hey, you’re avoiding the topic,” said Hoseok almost pouting. 

-“I know,” Hyungwon laughed.

-“Come on,” Hyungwon tugged Hoseok by the arm. “Let’s go to my place, we can order fried chicken or pizza and watch a movie. Maybe you can teach me later. I need to see those skills.” 

Both of them were in good spirits as they approached Hyungwon’s apartment. Hyungwon’s expression darkened as he noticed a familiar face in front of his door. 

-“Get out,” Hyungwon said calmly.

Kihyun turned around, face annoyed. He looked from head to toe first at Hyungwon, then at Hoseok.

-“I said get out. Haven’t you heard me? How dare you come to my place?” Hyungwon said now louder. 

-“Are you playing me or something? Do you think I will let you off the hook after what you’ve done? I don’t understand what people find in you and that miserable soul of yours,” as Kihyun pointed a finger at Hyungwon’s chest but Hoseok slapped the hand away.

-“Who the hell are you?” asked Hoseok while taking Hyungwon by the hand. 

Kihyun watched him, bemused.

-“And you?” asked Kihyun.

-“I am not in the mood for your trash talk, hamster. Get the hell out and forget this address. You’re not someone who can pay me a visit when you feel like it.” said Hyungwon tiredly, as he fished for the keys and was now opening the door. 

-“What? That’s it? No apologies, no nothing? How could you do this to Wonwoo, you piece of scum?” Kihyun took Hyungwon by the collar. 

Hyungwon was about to shake him off but before he could do so, Hoseok pushed Kihyun with all his might making him fall down. Kihyun laughed.

-What is it? Is he your new pet? Was he the one who broke my boy’s ribs?

-“Are you out of your…” but Hoseok was interrupted.

Hyungwon took him by the hand, Hoseok intertwined their fingers. Kihyun was watching this scene with a revolting face.

-“Since when have you turned into a faggot?” asked Kihyun while standing up.

Hyungwon looked at their intertwined fingers and then pulled it up in the air. 

-“What? Do my relationships bother you? Just admit it, you’re obsessed with me.” Hyungwon gave a crooked smile. 

-You’re sick. 

-Oh, shut up. What’s wrong with Wonwoo?

-Don’t pretend like you don’t know.

-But I don’t? But it doesn’t matter, I can find it out on my own. 

Hyungwon opened the door and pushed Hoseok inside.

-Now, if you excuse me I will go and wash my eyes and ears with soap. Get lost, hamster. 

Hyungwon closed the door in front of him and could hear Kihyun yell: “Fucking loser.”

-“Who is it?” Hoseok asked while sitting down on a couch. 

-“We used to study together, he was in love with my ex. He hates my guts and I cannot stand his rotten personality, it’s complicated.” Hyungwon shrugged.

Hyungwon typed a message to Changkyun.

HW: “Find out if Wonwoo was admitted to a hospital.”

CK: “Yeah, last night, SNUH.”

HW: “Ok, thanks.”

CK: “Anything’s up?”

HW: ” Tomorrow.”

-“So do you want to order some food? I am starving,” asked Hoseok when he saw Hyungwon wasn’t glued to his phone anymore.

-Sure.

Even though Hyungwon protested they started watching the trilogy of The Lord Of The Rings. Not surprisingly, he fell asleep after the second movie barely started. Hoseok gently put him on his lap, afraid to wake him up. For a long time, he was switching his attention back and forth from his eyelashes to his lips, playing with his hair and long fingers. 

There was something about Hyungwon that made him feel at peace. His presence was soothing to him. He was scared but decided not to run away anymore. 

Hoseok hasn’t noticed when he fell asleep himself, head pulled back in the outside back of the couch. 

Hyungwon woke up with a start, he was running in his dream and obviously didn't make it to the finish line, falling into an abyss somewhere on the way, which pulled him out of the dream. He rubbed his eyes and noticed he wasn’t in his bed, the clock showed a little after 1 a.m. He sat up and noticed sleeping Hoseok. He yawned and slowly went to the bathroom, turning on the hot water and a second later slipping into the shower. After 20 minutes or so he went to find Hoseok, who was still sleeping. He sat on his knees on the sofa and started to brush Hoseok’s hair back.

-“Hey,” he whispered.

-Anng

-Hey, wake up. Let’s go to bed. 

Hoseok wrapped his hands around Hyungwon’s waist and put his face in the crook of his neck. 

-D-don’t wanna

-Come on

Hoseok kissed him on the neck and slowly stretched out. 

-Can I take a shower as well?

-Yeah, I left some clothes and a towel for you.

When Hoseok was done, the flat was completely still. He turned off the lights in the living room and went to the bedroom. He slipped under the sheets, Hyungwon slowly breathing. He played with his hair for a while before putting his hand under his t-shirt, tracing it somewhere up his back and slowly falling asleep.

When Hoseok woke up Hyungwon was still asleep, he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to wake him up but decided not to. 

He lazily went to the kitchen, trying to find coffee. He took a look at a fridge and to his surprise it was full. So after a little bit of thinking, he decided to make some breakfast.

Hoseok was in the middle of his second cup of coffee when Hyungwon’s phone rang. It was Jooheon.

-“What’s up?” Hoseok picked up faster than he should.

-Who is it?

-It’s me, Hoseok.

-“Why are you picking up Hyungwon’s phone?” Jooheon was perplexed.

-He is still sleeping, should I wake him up?

-No, I will come over.

-If you want some breakfast, bring some bread.

-“Deal,” Jooheon said cheerfully and hang up.

Hoseok was finishing preparing eggs when he heard a knock at the door. Jooheon pushed inside with a paper bag of different types of buns.

-“Why did you bring so much?” Hoseok said looking inside the bag. 

-“Hyungwon is not a breakfast person.” He laughed “No, actually Hyungwon is not any type of meal person if you know what I mean. But he prefers bread and small things for breakfast, rather than a proper meal.”

-“Ok, noted.” Said Hoseok “but why, he looks good. He might be on a skinny side but he cannot do anything about his genetics.” Hoseok mumbled while putting bread on the table.

Jooheon watched him, smiling.

-“Aren’t you looking good? Feeling all homey with a birds nest and stuff?” Jooheon asked laughing. 

-“Who is feeling homey?” Came a question from the hallway and a second later Hyungwon showed up in his pajamas with extremely messy hair, rubbing his left eye. 

-“Good morning,” Hoseok said smiling.

-“Morning,” Hyungwon said calmly while looking at Hoseok.

-“And morning to you,” Hyungwon said while pinching Jooheon’s cheeks. “What are you doing here so early?” Hyungwon asked while coming to Hoseok’s side, watching him distribute food on the plates.

-“Do you want some?” Hoseok asked motioning with a spoon.

-Nah, I need some coffee at the moment. 

-Changkyun called me, so I wanted to be the first to know.

-I am surprised Minhyuk didn’t start banging on my doors at 6 in the morning.

Both of them started to laugh. Jooheon and Hoseok were enjoying their breakfast while Hyungwon was sipping on his coffee.

-“Minhyuk was right, someone went witch-hunting and this particular someone wants me and hamster to take each other down. Very primitive tactics but so far it’s been working.” Hyungwon said after taking another sip. 

-What do you mean?

-Someone took his people down, and unless Changkyun went on a night rampage it was neither of us. So now I can say, whoever was counting on your ribs weren’t hamster’s underlings. 

Jooheon was slowly chewing on his food. 

-I want you to be extremely careful. I’ll go see Wonwoo today, maybe he knows something.

-“Wonwoo was one of them?” Jooheon’s jaw dropped.

Hyungwon nodded, “Changkyun didn’t say?”

-Nope, but that guy is huge. He has a face that I wouldn’t want to fuck around with. 

Jooheon wanted to tag along but Hyungwon decided it wasn’t the best idea. When Hyungwon and Hoseok entered the hospital and found his room, Hoseok was left opposite to it. Hyungwon let himself in after a couple of soft knocks.

-“Hyungwon!” said Wonwoo surprised.

-“Hey,” as he put a basket of fruits next to the bed, “I thought flowers would be a little too much,” both of them started to laugh.

-How are you feeling?

-They will discharge me tomorrow, so nothing serious.

-Have you recognized any of them?

Wonwoo shook his head.

-“Hamster barged in yesterday night accusing it was me,” Hyungwon said thinking.

-I made sure to say it wasn’t you, but you know he doesn’t listen when something gets in his head.

-“He is plain stupid,” Hyungwon sighed. "Do you know who would like to take both of us down? Kihyun is more of a gangster than I am. I have no idea what’s going on inside the circle."

Wonwoo thought for a while.

-There is this new kid from Z University. He has put a couple of other universities down and is trying to snatch the title of being Number One or whatever. 

-Here, you have it. What’s his name?

-Don’t know his real one, but he goes by Raven.

-Raven, Raven…have never heard of him. Okay, I will deal with it. Thanks for the info and take care of yourself, Wonwoo.

-Thanks for stopping by and fruits. 

Hyungwon warmly smiled before leaving the room. Hoseok was sitting in the chair, completely immersed in his phone.

-“What are you doing?” Hyungwon asked while being literally centimeters away from his face.

Hoseok looked up and Hyungwon kissed him on the lips.

-Let’s go, I am hungry.

After lunch that slowly turned into dinner and a couple of drinks Hoseok was on his way home. He wasn’t very happy. Rather disgusted but he had to. He was in already his neighborhood when his phone rang.

-Jooheon?

-“Are you with Won?” Jooheon asked frantically.

-Nope, he went home.

-Shit.

-What happened?

-They attacked Changkyun and Minhyuk, I am afraid he is next.

Before he could hear Jooheon finish his sentence Hoseok hang up and started running. He ran and ran with all his might before he ended in the park next to Hyungwon’s flat. He noticed movement’s in the left corner of his eye and without further due he ran towards the commotion.

Hyungwon’s clothes were bloody but he won, so when Hoseok came closer Hyungwon looked at him surprised.

-What are you doing here?

-Jooheon called me.

-Is he alright?

-Guess so? He said the other two got jumped, he wasn’t very concerned about them though.

-“Shit,” Hoseok heard Hyungwon say while wiping his bloody nose and a moment later Hyungwon pushed him aside which made him fall on the ground. He could clearly see a guy, who was lying on the ground just a second ago pushing a knife inside Hyungwon and running away a moment later.

Hyungwon looked at his abdomen area and tried to wipe the blood away but it was getting even messier. A few moments later, Hoseok could hear Hyungwon hardly audibly curse and fall down unconscious. Hoseok snapped back to reality.

-“Damn,” he ran towards Hyungwon “Hey, wake up, don’t fall asleep.”

He called an ambulance with trembling hands and tried to push on the area to stop the bleeding. Nevertheless, by the time ambulance came everything was covered in blood. After what seemed the longest ride to the hospital, endless questions from the police and more waiting in front of the emergency room, Hoseok heard the desired words.

-He is out of danger. He lost a lot of blood but fortunately, we had his type on site.

Hoseok gave the biggest sigh of relief and slowly motioned towards the exit, meeting Jooheon and Changkyun, who looked completely fine.

-“How is he?” Both of them asked panting.

-He will be alright.

Hoseok slowly pushed the entrance door and disappeared behind it. He didn’t show up in the hospital till late in the evening of the next day. The visiting hours were coming to an end when Hyungwon could hear a door silently being opened. He turned to look at Hoseok.

-“I thought you wouldn’t come,” Hyungwon switched his vision towards the ceiling.

Hoseok went to stand next to Hyungwon’s bed.

-Does it hurt?

-Not really.

-Liar, why did you do this? I can take care of myself.

-I know.

-“Then, why if you knew…” he said raising his voice.

-Out of my selfishness, I am sorry.

He could hear Hoseok leave but before the door closed from the other side he could hear: “Thank you for protecting me” came a muffled sentence and he was gone.

Hyungwon was discharged four days later, Hoseok never came to visit again. He found out a little later he went berserk, was fighting everyone he came on his way. Hoseok started with Z University and most probably got his revenge because by the end of the week there was no one to fight. Jooheon tried to stop him but he didn’t listen to, so when Hyungwon felt he was back on his tracks he went to visit him at home.

The house was bigger and more luxurious than Hyungwon has expected: “Rich boy,” he thought to himself while ringing the bell.

Maybe after a couple of minutes, Hoseok came to open the door, wearing only his pants he seemed to zip up on the way.

“Oh,” came a surprised exclamation.

Hyungwon was watching him for a second. His face had a couple of bruises so did his chest but he wasn’t in a terrible state, so when he heard a woman’s voice calling his name he narrowed his eyes on him and without saying a word turned around and was now briskly walking away.

-Hey, hold up.

Hyungwon neither slowed down nor responded.

-“Hey, I said wait up.” Yelled Hoseok while snatching him by the arm and making him turn around.

Hyungwon winced with pain while holding his left side.

-“Sorry,” Hoseok said apologetically while releasing him.

-Jooheon was worried about you, so I got your address from Changkyun. It was a fake alarm though, I am sorry for disturbing you. Hyungwon was now looking at Hoseok, eyes completely blank but there was a hint of anger that turned into sorrowful sadness a moment later.

-I can explain.

-“I am sure you can, but do I want to know?” said Hyungwon faintly smiling while looking at his shoes. “I must look like a complete idiot, but enough is enough” he tried to turn around on his heel and leave but Hoseok stopped him.

-“Wait,” Hoseok whispered, clenching his hand desperately “Don’t go.”

Hyungwon was still for a good moment, he then inhaled and exhaled full lungs of air as he turned around.

-Do you have two hearts, Hoseok?

He was looking straight in the eye and Hoseok could see Hyungwon’s tears slowly accumulate in the corners of his eyes.

-"W-what?" asked Hoseok in a small voice.

-Do you, Hoseok? Because I don’t. I don’t understand why you wasted your time on me if you knew you don’t need me.

-“Don’t say it like that,” Hoseok whispered while holding Hyungwon’s hand tighter, looking down.

-“Like what?” he chuckled. “I wanted us to trust and believe in similar things in the future. I wanted us to want the same things. However, I thought I could trust you with the bare minimum, for now, I thought you will stop sleeping around. Well, I think I went ahead of myself.” Hyungwon laughed softly again.

Hoseok slowly raised his head to look at now silently crying Hyungwon. His tears were slowly falling down his cheeks, blurring his vision but he was still looking straight at Hoseok. 

-“It’s not that simple,” Hoseok whispered. 

-Oh, I am sure it’s not. But do you know what? I don’t care. Why did you waste my time if you already have someone? Or both of us are ones of a dozen? However, I’ve never been invited to your place, so she must be precious either way. How could you…

-“No, you don’t understand,” Hoseok said looking up but seeing Hyungwon cry was unbearable so it made him look away again.

-“Yeah, I know, I don’t.” Hyungwon now released his hand and wiped his nose with a sleeve of his coat. “I don’t.”

-“As far as I see you, Hoseok, you live day by day. Society tries to set some dreams, goals, adventures, pleasures ahead of them. You destroyed it all and the only pleasure that’s left for you is to destroy what’s in front of you. At least that’s what I feel like,” Hyungwon sniffled. 

-“Hyungwon-n,” he whispered while looking up at still crying guy. He was wiping his nose and when he took his hand away from the face Hoseok could see Hyungwon faintly smiling.

-“No,” Hoseok thought to himself.

-Go inside; don’t let your date wait any longer. Furthermore, you must be freezing.

-No, Hyungwon, please. You have to listen to me first.

Hyungwon just silently shook his head.

-“Bye, Hoseok,” as Hyungwon turned his gaze from somewhere right straight on Hoseok. The last tear falling down his cheek, eyes sunken and full of hurt. He hardly noticeably smiled and turned on his heel and started to walk away.

Hoseok slowly watched him leave, wiping his nose from time to time. Hoseok hasn’t noticed as his own eyes became wet and before he knew it, tears were falling down his cheeks making it hard to see Hyungwon clearly. 

A couple of moments later, Hyungwon disappeared behind the corner, not looking back even once. 

Mere seconds later, Hoseok was down on his knees, hysterically letting his regretful feelings out.

To be continued...


	5. If only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sounds cliche but my mind & soul are at a dark and unsettling place at the moment. I don't have a creativity crisis of any sorts but I am too exhausted to put anything on the paper...and I know if I make myself to write I'll hate myself for it.  
So, I decided to post this "half a chapter" I wrote earlier for those who are still hopefully interested.  
I am not putting it on hiatus but I used to post at least once a week and it actually gets on my nerves my consistency was ruined)))  
But yeah...who knows, maybe after a couple of days and finally good quality sleep I'll be back on my tracks.  
Constructive criticism is always welcome. I've been dying to know what you guys think. I feel like a story progressed to be more hectic than I originally expected.  
Enough of me blabbering.  
Thanks for your time~

When Hoseok finally came back to his senses he stood up, dusted his knees and turned around only to find the guest of honor – Jennie stand between the doors, smiling both sinfully and piously at the same time.

-“He is very handsome. Who is it? Your boyfriend or should I say ex?” an evil grin was now plastered all over her face.

Hoseok glared at her, without saying a word he tried to pass her by but she caught him by the arm.

-What’s wrong?

-“As we agreed on, this was the last time. Next time you and my brother fight, find someone else to keep you company.” He snatched his hand and motioned towards the stairs that lead to his room.

-“Oh, come on Hoseok. We’ve been through it. He might be pretty but we both know he is not for you. He can never have you truly.” She said in a sweetest voice.

-“Oh yeah? Then who is? Are you talking about yourself? But you could never be mine.” Hoseok said grimly.

-“But you love me.” The meanest smile surfaced her face once again.

-“I don’t and now that I think about it I might have never loved you,” he finished and disappeared behind the corner.

-“We will see,” she whispered to herself.

Hoseok closed the door behind him with a loud band and fell on the bed. He was staring a chandelier:  
“He hates me. Maybe I should send him a message,” he thought as he fished out a phone from his right pocket – “Who am I kidding? He won’t reply if I send a dozen of them.” He sighed and tried to find a way to bring Hyungwon on his good side again, not realizing what the real problem was.

Hyungwon was aimlessly walking the streets. He wasn’t familiar with the neighborhood and in the heat of the moment (when you’re all alone and out of breath) he took a wrong turn. His left side hurt dully but what hurt the most was his chest. Now, when he finally calmed down he knew he was at a wrong. He didn’t have to vent his feelings but he was tired. Hyungwon was out of strength to keep on making relationships that have no future work. “It’s for the best,” he thought when someone called.

-Minnyugga.

-How are you doing, Won?

-Everything’s good, why?

-Wanna grab a drink?

-“Don’t you think I should refrain from booze at least for a couple of days?” Hyungwon laughed.

-Right, shit. Do you want to do something else then? I feel like I haven’t seen you for a long time.

-What’s with that? We just saw each other the other day, but sorry, I better go home and catch up with my studies. I’ll see you on Monday, ok?  
-Alright, don’t overwork yourself. 

-“Will not,” Hyungwon hung up “He will be the end of me,” mumbled Hyungwon with the faintest smile on his face.

In the end, he ordered an Uber and in less that twenty minutes he was sitting on his couch, body leaned to that back of it thinking of nothing in particular but his mind was restless. 

Hoseok dreaded Monday, he could only imagine how furious Changkyun would be if the news reach him. Nevertheless, when the new week started everyone behaved as usual – Jooheon was energetic due to an upcoming rap battle, while Changkyun was being his usual wary self. Hoseok hadn’t seen Hyungwon since that day, which alarmed him. “Was he avoiding me?”

It was Thursday noon when Hoseok ran across Minhyuk

-“Minhyuk,” said Hoseok tapping on the guy’s shoulder making him turn.

-Hey, what's up?

-Have you seen Hyungwon?

-Yeah, he went to the library to pick some books. 

-“Thanks,” Hoseok made a U turn and hurried towards the library.

Hoseok spotted Hyungwon going through books in the northern wing of the library. He silently went to the next row and was following him while the other guy was going through the books. He caught him when Hyungwon was about to move to the next row.

-“Hey,” Hoseok said innocently, looking Hyungwon straight up in the eyes. 

-“Hi,” Hyungwon returned the eye but a second later he moved towards the book he was looking for and started to go through it randomly.

Hoseok leaned against the bookshelf, looking at Hyungwon.

-Are you avoiding me?

-Do I look like I do?

-Yeah

-You’re wrong, it’s just I have no reason to see you.

-Ouch, that hurts.

Hyungwon didn’t say anything to that.

-Umm, about the other day.

-“What about it? That chapter is over.” Hyungwon quickly glanced at Hoseok and returned back to skimming the book a second later.

-…but I didn’t have a chance to explain.

-“Will it change the fact you slept with someone else while going on dates with me?” he asked in the most toneless voice.

-No, but…

-“That’s enough, Hoseok” Hyungwon looked at the other guy “ That’s enough,” he repeated once again. He closed the book and motioned towards the checkout, but Hoseok caught him by the arm gently.

-“Don’t you like me at least a little bit?” Hoseok asked in a hopeful way.

-“I do…I did, but it doesn’t matter anymore because I shall not allow someone to blatantly step on my feelings and lie to my face” Hyungwon said, his eyes calm but strict.

-“You’re impossible,” mumbled Hoseok.

-“I try to believe I am a down to earth person,” a reply came faster than expected.

-Will it kill you to listen to me?

-Will you calm down if I do? You know it won’t change a thing. I can be very stubborn and my principles are hard to break.

-It’s fine.

-“Okay,” Hyungwon shrugged “We can grab a drink or something later, I have a class in 15 minutes, so excuse me” Hyungwon turned around and without saying goodbye disappeared behind the corner, leaving Hoseok both confused and sad.

-“Yeah, I knew it wouldn’t be easy,” he thought to himself.

Nonetheless, Hyungwon came to find Hoseok neither at the end of the day nor on the next one. So when Saturday came around Hoseok decided to pay him a visit. However, there was no one home and even though he could simply dial Hyungwon, something told me not to, and instead, he called Jooheon.

-Joo, do you know where Hyungwon is?

-You haven’t heard? He went to Jeju Island.

-What the heck is he doing there?

-He is visiting a friend.

Hoseok was silent for a while.

-“Ok, thanks” as he hung up.

Without too much thinking he booked the nearest flight which happened to be in four hours. He called an uber home, picked a couple of necessary things for a short trip and in two hours he was at the airport wondering what the hell is wrong with him.

“Hyungwon, you make me act out of character,” he thought.

When the plane landed, Hoseok was exhausted. The whole trip a seven months newborn was crying. All he wanted to do ws get to a hotel and go to sleep. After taking a taxi and quickly checking in, he took a shower and almost immediately fell asleep, leaving all the worries for the upcoming day.

Sunday evening, 

-“You do like to sleep, I almost forgot that habit of yours,” Hyunwoo chuckled while pouring another shot of soju.

-“It’s not a habit but a necessity in this cruel world,” Hyungwon laughed “Plus, your bed is way too comfortable.”

-The house is pretty old and needs a lot of maintenance but grandma is very reluctant about it. Don’t know how to persuade her otherwise.

-“She belongs to an older generation. It’s to be expected, but it doesn’t change the fact that your bed is on my top list.” Hyungwon laughed. 

-Oh yeah? Who is in the bottom then?

-“Minhyukki, the bed might be alright at his place but I am not a fan of people stealing my blanket,” he said with a blank expression.

-“Right, I forgot,” Hyunwoo said rubbing his chin.

-Good for you.

-Anyway, I am glad you came to visit and you’re always welcome but what brings you here? Furthermore, you came alone.

-I just needed some fresh air. I had to get out of Seoul at least for a couple of days. 

-“Why?,” Hyunwoo raised an eyebrow.

-No reason.

-“Let me guess, it’s either Kihyun or your new love interest. Actually, I am still offended you kept silent till this moment” Hyunwoo grinned but Hyungwon grimaced.

-How do you know about Hoseok?

-So his name is Hoseok. Jooheon couldn’t stop talking that he is some kind of cupid.

-“Ugh,” Hyungwon put an index finger between his eyebrows. “He is way too talkative. That’s why I didn’t want to bring any of them.”  
Hyunwoo laughed.

-Don’t be so grumpy, he means no evil. It’s just that you hardly talk about yourself. Or am I wrong and it’s Kihyun?

Hyungwon’s face grimaced once again.

-Don’t mention that hamster’s name in my presence.

-You are still not on good terms?

-Had we even been on good terms?

-You used to be pretty chummy in HS.

-Hyunwoo, the only reason we were “chummy” because of you. It’s still fresh in my memory how scary you were whenever we used to bicker.

-“Don’t remember any of it,” Hyunwoo said thinking.

-“I do,” Hyungwon laughed.

-It’s still a paradox though, both of you spent so much time together and here you are, being all hostile.

-Did you talk to him?

-Yeah, I got a call from him around the time Wonwoo got injured. I was surprised he thought it was you but…

-Yeah, Wonwoo said the same thing.

-He can be stubborn.

-He is stuck up, but let’s not talk about him anymore. Just thinking about his annoying face puts me in a bad mood.

Hyunwoo laughed.

-When I will be back to Seoul you will have to see his face more often.

-Nope, I know sharing is caring but I am not ready for it.

-“You’ll be alright,” Hyunwoo said faintly smiling “You might look like a person who needs to be taken care of but you’re strong. You are the one who takes care of others.” 

-What’s that supposed to mean?

-I didn’t want to but it seems Kihyun is having a hard time handling his gang. When grandma feels better and I move back to Seoul, I am thinking of helping him out for the time being. 

Hyungwon blankly stared at Hyunwoo for a long moment.

-Hyung, no! The hamster will make you sing to his tune.

-He won’t. 

Hyungwon groaned and leaned back at his chair. 

-I can already see it. He will make everything to turn you against me.

-He won’t, Hyungwon. How long have you known me?

Hyungwon shot Hyunwoo a glance but a second later turned away.

-I don’t like the idea, not at all.

-He needs help, you don’t.

-What if I do?

-“But you don’t at the moment,” Hyunwoo picked a piece of salmon “I would know, but you have good people surrounding you while he seems to be lost.”

-“Bullshit – Wonwoo, Soyou and the rest that I am familiar with are cool kids. It’s just he is not able to maintain his relationships.” Hyungwon snorted. 

-“Stop being a cactus,” Hyunwoo laughed “What about you then? How is your relationship is doing?”

-What relationship?

-Don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about.

Hoseok has been roaming around the city aimlessly, taking the slim chance he might come across Hyungwon by some sort of miracle. But of course, it didn’t happen. Being desperate as he was, he decided to write Jooheon once again.

HS: Can you ask Hyungwon if he is out?

JH: Why?

HS: It’s important.

JH: Why don’t you ask him yourself?

…

Hold up, are you on Jeju?

“Damn it, he is smarter than he looks” mumbled Hoseok.

HS: Yes, so please don’t say a soul and find out if he is.

~A few moments later~

JH: Yeah, he is at *** with Hyunwoo Hyung.

HS: Great, thanks.

JH: I expect all the juicy parts and…bring me a souvenir >:D

“What a cheeky brat,” Hoseok smiled and headed towards the place.

Hyungwon put the phone away.

-“Who was it?” Hyunwoo wondered while chewing on his food.

-Zagiya is either lonely or jealous.

-Maybe both, since we are talking about Jooheon.

Both of them laughed. 

-“I am still waiting for you to speak up,” Hyunwoo looked at Hyungwon who was staring at his beer.

-There is nothing to talk about, really. There was something but it’s not there anymore.

-Why, if I may ask.

\- “He is like Jisoo, was fooling around while sticking to me like a pest. It’s amazing how I seem to attract the same type of people.” Hyungwon frowned and took a gulp of his drink.

Hyunwoo poured another two shots of soju and both of them immediately emptied them. It was silent for a while before Hyunwoo spoke up.

-Are you sure he was cheating on you?

-To be honest I interrupted them.

-How did he excuse his behavior? 

-I haven’t listened to his excuses.

-Why?

-Because it changes nothing.

-Maybe it will. It’s the first time Jooheon and Minhyuk mentioned someone in a long time. There must be something about him that touched your heart.  
-“Did Minhyuk gossip about me as well?” Hyungwon’s jaw fell a little apart.

-“Don’t be so surprised. You know he likes to talk, so of course, he mentioned him. However, he wasn’t as optimistic as Jooheon. I would say he was careful about the guy” Hyunwoo said while sipping on his drink.

-“If you speak to baby, he would say he hates him or something” Hyungwon laughed a little tipsily.

-I am not surprised, Changkyun might seem like an aloof person but he is very fond of you. Furthermore, he is a keeper, I wouldn’t be surprised he has been on his blacklist since the moment you got injured because of him.

-“He hated his guts way bef…”But Hyungwon was interrupted.

-“Speaking of which, why did you protect him?” Hyunwoo’s eyes were glued on Hyungwon’s.

-“I don’t know,” as Hyungwon took another sip.

-You don’t.

-Hyungwon shook his head.

Hoseok was nervously smoking outside the bar. “What am I doing? Isn’t it called stalking?” he crushed the cigarette out and with a hard chest stepped into the bar. Hoseok was skimming the place and soon enough noticed a lean, half plastered body on the table. He looked at the guy next to him and weirdly enough, soon his gaze was returned. Hoseok took a deep breath and motioned towards the table, making Hyungwon’s companion more confused with every closer step.

-“Are you waiting for the company?” Hyunwoo asked Hyungwon who was at a good stage of “tipsy.”

-“What are you talking about? I don’t know anyone except you and your grandma here.” Hyungwon supported his face with his right hand.

-“Maybe you should think once again,” as Hyunwoo jerked his chin in Hoseok’s direction who was now standing next to Hyungwon.

Hyungwon looked to his right lazily, only to jump up with surprise when he realized who was standing in front of him.

-“Hi,” Hoseok smiled.

-“What are you doing here?” Hyungwon’s eyes round as plates.

-“I am Hyunwoo,” as he extended his hand towards the stranger.

-“Hi, my name’s Hoseok” he shook Hyunwoo’s.

-“Oh, so that’s why Jooheon was wondering about Hyungwon’s whereabouts” Hyunwoo mumbled to himself “Please, have a sit. I will go and ask untie to bring more drinks and snacks.” Hyunwoo briskly stood up and motioned towards the bar.

Hyungwon didn’t stop staring at Hoseok, so when Hyunwoo was gone Hyunwong asked once again.

-What are you doing here?

Hoseok turned around and traced his eyes on Hyungwon’s face for a while.

-You didn’t contact me.

-So?

-I missed you.

Hoseok was looking at Hyunwon’s a little glassy but attentive eyes. After a couple of seconds but what seemed minutes for Hoseok he put his left hand on Hyungwon’s right knee and leaned to give him and quick but sensual kiss on the lips. He leaned back and Hyungwon’s eyes became even bigger.

-“You got some nerve,” as he wiped his lips.

Hoseok only smiled.

-I feel so much better after seeing you.

-“You will feel even better when I punch that happy mug of yours. Who told you you can touch me.” Hyungwon groaned and turned away to look outside the window. 

-“I was half-expecting the punch on a first round. Does it mean I can kiss you once again?” Hoseok put his right albow on the table and leaned towards Hyungwon’s face, smiling widely.

-“Are you on something? What’s with an attitude change?” Hyungwon put a left palm in front of Hoseok’s face and traced it back from himself, making him return to his original seat.

-No, I quit.

-“Surpr…,” but Hyungwon got interrupted once again.

-“But I just realized when I saw your face a moment ago. There is something about you…” Hoseok leaned over to Hyungwon who was lazily laying on the table “…there is something about you. I don’t know how to explain it but you look so alive, so vital to me as if you might burn me.” He said a little louder than a whisper. “I am ready to risk it and I want “us” to happen and see where it leads” Hoseok was now whispering into Hyungwon’s ear whose eyes were wide open.  
Hyungwon knew what the other guy was talking about. He himself felt something like this after he met Hoseok a couple of times, but the girl’s voice was fresh in the memory. It was piercing his heart, letting all the insecure and dark thoughts out.

-“Brave of you to assume I am still interested,” Hyungwon said while having a sip of his drink.

-Yeah, but even if you’re not I’ll make sure you are.

Hyungwon snorted and at this moment Hyunwoo came back with drinks.

To be continued...


	6. No reason.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am very saddened due to recent events. F(x) was the second girl group I came to love and Sulli was an inherent part of it but first and foremost she was a human being. I hope people will be a little kinder to their surroundings. It takes a couple of minutes to type or say spiteful words but for some people it takes days, weeks or even months to forget them. Be humane, guys.
> 
> On a brighter side, I am very excited about comeback. I hope you will support them from the bottom of your hearts. 
> 
> Thanks for your time~

After Hyunwoo put the drinks down and sat at his place it became nerve wrenchingly quiet. The bar was packed and everybody was loud around them but them. Hyungwon was lazily looking outside the window; Hoseok was playing with his hands and peeking at the other two from time to time while Hyunwoo was scratching the back of his neck.

-“What did you want to talk about?” Hyungwon turned to look at Hoseok, his left hand covering his mouth.

-“You mean right here and now?” Hoseok raised an eyebrow.

-“Alright, let’s have a drink, shall we?” Hyunwoo unscrewed a lid of soju bottle and poured two shots, giving the second one to Hoseok.

-“What about me?” Hyungwon looked at Hyunwoo with irritation.

-“Here,” he pushed a plate of fried chicken towards him “You hardly put anything in your mouth today, sober up or your fun is over for tonight.” Hyunwoo looked at Hyungwon a little sternly. 

Hyungwon loudly sighed as he leaned back “My mother isn’t as strict as you are.”

-“You have a lovely mother,” he said nostalgically.

-“I know,” Hyungwon looked at Hoseok who was looking lost, “Ok, I’ll go and have a cigarette. I need some fresh air.”

Hyungwon stood up and pulled the chair, Hoseok wanted to do the same but Hyungwon pressed him on the left shoulder making him sit down – “You don’t need to follow me, he won’t bite” Hyungwon whispered with a big snort at the end, which blew hot air in Hoseok’s ear making him feel a little tingly. 

-“So, how long have you known each other?”Hoseok wondered after yet another shot while Hyunwoo has been observing him this whole time.

-For a while now. I’ve known him longer but we became friends when Hyungwon was in Junior High so probably 7 years.

-You seem close.

-“We are,” Hyunwoo peeked at Hoseok through his glass beer. “What about you? Jooheon didn’t give me all the details on your encounter.

-Do you know him?

-“Yeah - Jooheon, Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Changkyun and Kihyun, all of us are from the same town and we attended the same school. Most of us have age gaps but we somehow found each other,” he chuckled.

-He fought with Kihyun guy the other day though.

-Oh right, he is the only friend of mine. Somehow he got excluded from the group.

-I see.

-What about you?

Hoseok looked at the bottom of his finished drink, he motioned for a waitress to order more drinks before he said anything, “I don’t think I have any. I mean, I have a lot but at the same time, I feel all alone. I think it’s wrong to say it out loud but since the moment I met Hyungwon an unsettling feeling has been growing within me.” He grimaced at his own words.

-Jealousy?

Hoseok looked outside the window and just shrugged.

-You are pretty honest but his life is not what you think or imagine being.

-I know.

Hyunwoo stared at Hoseok’s profile.

-So, if you’re planning to stick around for a day, a week or for a month I rather you left him alone. He is a serious person.

-“I am,” he turned to look at Hyunwoo who had a weird expectant expression.

-Are you? Just a moment ago you said you’re jealous of his relationship which makes me believe you’re drawn to him because he has what you’re lacking.

Hoseok stared at Hyunwoo blankly before the realization came.

-No, I mean you’re right but it’s not like that.

-I don’t know you well enough and you sound like a pretty chill guy. However, you’ve known him for a couple of months and you have managed to break his trust. It’s not something I can praise. 

Hoseok leaned back at the chair without saying anything for a long time. 

-“Why did you come, if you don’t mind me asking,” Hyunwoo asked after an awkward pause. 

-“Honestly, I have no idea. I just followed my gut instinct.” Hoseok finished with a chuckle. Hyunwoo hummed.

-Where are you staying?

-Downtown.

-“We can check you out later; you can stay at my place while you’re here. I suppose you will stick around anyway.” Hyunwoo said looking Hoseok straight to the eyes.

-No, it’s alright I wouldn’t want to bother you.

-“Well, I have a feeling Hyungwon won’t be too happy but oh well,” he motioned with his right hand as he faintly smiled. 

Hyungwon quietly approached the table and silently sat down.

-“I ordered more drinks,” he said nonchalantly.

-“I won’t piggyback you,” Hyunwoo said a matter of factly.

-“I didn’t expect you to,” Hyungwon said rolling his eyes.

Hyunwoo looked at Hoseok who was staring at Hyungwon.

-“What is it?” asked Hyungwon turning to Hoseok.

-“Hynwoo asked me to stay at his place,” while having a sip of his drink.

Hyungwon just silently turned to look at Hyunwoo “Excuse me, what level of hell is it?” Hyunwoo just laughed at that. 

Hyungwon decided to walk while Hoseok and Hyunwoo took a taxi downtown to check out.

The night was starry but colder than in Seoul, he was slowly walking by the side of the road smoking. He hated that Hyunwoo took the liberty to invite Hoseok to his place, he hated the fact Hoseok came. He wanted to forget about everything and everyone at least for a while. He sighed as he made the last drag of the cigarette, blowing it out with his head pulled back, looking up the sky. By the time he made it to Hyunwoo’s house grandmother was asleep. He took his shoes off, leaning against the wall, the alcohol in his blood was higher than he expected and he could already feel a slight headache. He tiptoed to Hyunwoo’s bedroom and in a matter of seconds fell asleep.

Hyunwoo and Hoseok’s taxi stopped by the entrance of the house a little bit after 2 am. Hoseok slammed the door after paying the fee, the house was completely dark. Hyunwoo turned the key and both of them entered, taking their shoes off shortly after.

-“I’ll take a shower first. You can wait in the living room but if you want to unpack the guest room is the last to the left across the hall.” He yawned and entered the bathroom.

Hoseok looked around the house, it was old but spacious, Hyungwon was nowhere to be seen so he went to the guest room to unpack.

Hyungwon woke up with a start on the dawn. Hyunwoo was sound asleep on the other side of the bed; it took him a moment to register who it was. He sighed and looked at his watch, - a little after 5 am He silently stood up and grabbed some change clothes going to the bathroom next. He checked on a grandmother who was still asleep and went to make some coffee.

The sun would not be up for at least another hour, but the dark and starry sky was drastically changing into a bright yet murky one. The air so cold its piercing right through your bones, indistinguishable colors of yellow and red can be seen somewhere far beyond the grayish sky. Hyungwon didn’t mind, the remains of the alcohol were still in his blood and fresh air helped to sober his thoughts up. After two cups of coffee, he put his padded jacket on, grabbed his wallet and keys, silently closed the door and headed towards the 24/7 convenience store. 

When, on his way back Hyunwon was almost at the entrance door, he noticed a statue standing still by it, only a motion of his left hand back and force to his lips made him look alive. He was about to pass Hoseok by when he was grabbed by the left wrist.

-“How did you sleep?” came a question in a sleepy voice.

Hyungwon turned at Hoseok’s direction and fixed him with an unblinking stare, as cool and dispassionate as it was possible. Hoseok looked at him for a while.

-“Are you practicing silence with me?” he said squeezing Hyungwon’s wrist a bit tighter.

-Can I be honest or should say something sweet but completely opposite to my own feelings?

Hyungwon released his wrist as he put a shopping bag on the ground and fished for a pack, lighting a cigarette a moment later. 

-“The fact that you put it this way,” mumbled Hoseok “I know, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have come uninvited and accept Hyunwoo’s invitation.” 

-“Good you understand,” Hyungwon said exhaling.

-“However…” Hoseok continued after a short pause, Hyungwon shot him a quick glimpse as he continued to look at the outskirts, first rays of sun landing on the house. “… I had to do it. You’re clearly avoiding me and I don’t want us to drift apart.” He said while crashing the cigarette out. 

-I don’t remember us being close in the first place though.

-Maybe you should show more interest in me.

Hyungwon turned to look at Hoseok.

-“Interest you say…” Hyungwon looked up, staying silent for a moment “ I don’t know Hoseok, I feel like I showed enough interest in you but sooner or later most of the things in this world come to an end. You can’t blame me. Oh, and even though I perfectly know what you mean but you are mistaken if you think you know me.” Hyungwon turned to look at Hoseok, a tiny grin playing on his lips.

-“I know,” sighed Hoseok “but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to know the real you. I am aware that I fucked up more than once and you have all the right to be angry or distrust me but I am not a bad person. It’s just…” Hoseok played with his fingers while Hyungwon waited for him to continue “… I don’t want you to start distrusting people because of my lone mistake.”

-“You are not the first one,” said Hyungwon holding another cigarette between his lips and shortly after lighting it up.

Hoseok thought for a second “…ex?” and some flashbacks of Minhyuk mentioning his first love popped up.

-“However,” Hyungwon continued “I appreciate the thought. You can be pretty perceiving.” He said smiling to his cigarette.

-I just want you to know and believe if possible that it will never happen again. It’s not a game and you do touch my heart.

Hyungwon made a couple of drags before speaking up.

-Do you remember, that time I asked you? The one about having two hearts? Can you answer that question right now?

-“I don’t,” said meekly Hoseok.

-You don’t… You know, it’s alright, I understand. Maybe you’ve been fighting and both of you grew a bit tired of each other but sooner or later it will come to a norm…

-“That’s enough,” Hoseok’s voice was loud and since everything was still it came out almost like a yell “Your feelings are yours, but you don’t have the right to dictate the feelings I have for you.”

-You are right, I am sorry.

-I was in love with her for years but this relationship would never work. Deep inside I knew it but I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. She is my brother’s girlfriend.

At this moment Hyungwon’s lips came apart. 

-But since I hate him I do not feel as bad as I should. She is not faithful. No, maybe at the very beginning she wanted to pay him in the same coin, maybe she pitied me, maybe it’s her own selfishness but whatever it was I am not interested anymore. It is a history now. I loved her years ago or thought that I did but time has shown how toxic and wretched this relationship was. When I met you it became completely clear what my real feelings are. We ended whatever we had the day you visited. I am sorry, it was unfair to you but she was persistent.

Hyungwon was a long time done with a cigarette, looking up the sky, while Hoseok was stealing glimpses at his profile from time to time. 

-“Thank you for telling me,” he finally managed, “But if you expect me to…” 

-No, I didn’t and I don’t. I just wanted you to know.

-“Alright, it’s cold, let’s go inside” Hyungwon grabbed the shopping bag and tottered inside. 

Hyunwoo was sleepily drinking coffee.

-“When did you wake up?” He asked Hyungwon who started to unload the food.

-“It was still dark.” He yawned “Sit down, don’t stand there like a forgotten child,” he said to Hoseok who was standing by the wall.

-“Yeah, feel yourself at home. Do you want me to make hangover ramyon?” he asked Hyungwon who unloaded packs of different ramyon, spam, and random things.

-“Yes, please. He makes it really well, I don’t know anyone who does it better” Hyungwon turned to look at Hoseok “Do you like ramyon?” 

-“I love it,” Hoseok smiled to one side of his face “you should try mine though,” he thought to himself. 

Hyungwon went to get ready for the day when Hyunwoo grabbed Hoseok by the arm, voice as soft as a whisper.

-“Sorry, by mere chance I overheard part of your conversation earlier in the morning,” Hyunwoo said scratching his back of the neck.

“Great,” thought Hoseok “Just great.” 

-I really didn’t want to but Hyungwon never says anything about him anymore and curiosity took the best of me. Sorry.

-It’s alright, at least you are honest. 

-“Anyway, what I wanted to say. I don’t know what you really think about him but people who don’t know him well can find him arrogant, absent-minded, aloof and isolated. It’s true he often can be seen daydreaming but he does it no more than an average person, it’s just that his face draws people’s attention and he always makes funny ones. However, he is not like that. You should find that out on your own but I will say only one thing, - Hyungwon fears love almost as much as he fears hatred. I hope you will be able to find his core” Hyunwoo poked Hoseok’s chest “…before he drives you either away or insane.” Hyunwoo smiled and motioned towards his room whistling a random melody.

A second later Hoseok headed to his room, only to see Hyungwon in an open bathroom fixing his hair, swearing under his breath as one of the locks was extremely unruly.

-“You look lovely,” Hoseok said stopping between the door.

Hyungwon shot him an irritable stare, eyebrows meeting each other.

-“Do you see this?” he grumpily said pointing at his hair with his right hand while holding a comb in his left.

Hoseok just laughed and went to his room to change.

To be continued...


	7. Special.

-“So, do you mind explaining why both of you look like twins?” asked Hyunwoo who saw Hyungwon leaving the house, putting a black Balenciaga cap on. Hyungwon looked up to an amused expression on Hyunwoo and Hoseok next to him, wearing all black, even a leather jacket looked similar to his own. Hyungwon sighed but nonetheless had no intentions to change, so he yelled his goodbye to the grandmother and locked the door behind him, joining the other two by the gate.

-“Why are you wearing a hat? Didn’t you spend half of the morning fixing your hair?” Hoseok asked smiling, enjoying the situation more than he should.

-“Say no more,” Hyungwon shot him a quick and annoyed glare.

-“Hyung,” he turned to look at Hyunwoo, “maybe you should change,” his voice had a slight hint of desperation. 

-“Nope,” he laughed “I know you are too lazy to change but it’s none of my concern both of you decided to match,” he was now chuckling.

-“You are right,” he said in a small voice looking directly at Hoseok “So, what are we doing today?”

-I thought we could take it easy – sightseeing, shopping maybe going to the beach if the weather will remain nice. In the evening we can go either bowling or karaoke.

-First of all, the beach is a no-no. I cannot imagine seeing three guys strolling by the shore.

-“Why? It sounds good.” Hoseok said a bit disappointed,

-“See, 2 VS 1” laughed Hyunwoo.

-“Why did you come once again?” Hyungwon looked at Hoseok who said nothing, “But yeah, we need to go downtown. I need to fetch something for kids and I have no idea what to get them.”

-“Do you mind helping me picking one for Jooheon?” Hoseok interrupted Hyungwon’s train of thoughts.

-Jooheon, why?

-“I suppose it’s his brib…I mean a way to say “thank you”” smiled Hyunwoo.

-Yeah, he basically allowed himself to be bribed so any help is appreciated.

-“You don’t need to worry, you can get him a box of local chocolate and he will be happy. He isn’t petty.” Hyungwon said lighting a cigarette as he started to type a message. 

HW: Baby, is there something you want?

CK: How is it going?

HW: Not as smooth as I wish it would.

CK: What do you mean?

HW: Hoseok came uninvited and Hyunwoo suggested him to stay at his place.

CK: What the fuck is he doing there?

HW: This is what I would like to know as well.

CK: You didn’t let any of us come but that weirdo is staying with you?

HW: It wasn’t up to me. Hyunwoo was the one who decided to go against my will.

CK: Then I am coming as well.

HW: What? NO.

CK: I haven’t seen Hyunwoo for a while and the only reason I didn’t come because you didn’t want us there.

At this moment Hyungwon looked at Hoseok who was curelessly looking around.

-“You make my life more difficult. I wonder how you are going to take responsibility.” Hyungwon shot towards Hoseok who turned around to look at the other guy slightly surprised. 

-“What’s wrong?” Hyunwoo wondered.

-Changkyun is jopping and popping Hoseok is here.

Hyunwoo straight up laughed while Hoseok started to have a little worried expression on his face. 

-“Maybe you should get him something as well,” Hyunwoo looked at Hoseok visibly enjoying the situation.

-“Don’t bother, I am pretty sure it will end up in the trash bin or get thrown back at him.” stated Hyungwon staring at his phone “That is, unless he personally doesn’t come to fetch it.”

-He wants to come?

-Apparently.

Hoseok flinched, he was perfectly aware if Chankyun indeed comes he will make his life a living hell as long as he sticks around.

-“Why did you have to let him know?” mumbled Hoseok.

-“I regret it no less than you, Changkyun can be very obvious when he is upset. Damn, what should I do?” Hyungwon started to type another message.

HW: Baby, you aren’t serious are you?

CK: I am but I changed my mind. I will make you pay me later. 

“Shit,” mumbled Hyungwon while putting his phone in the pocket.

-“So?” Hyunwoo was dying to know. 

-He isn’t coming but I am fucked anyway.

Hyunwoo laughed.

-“It always amazes me how your relationship of not looking each other’s way progressed to a mild sort of mutual obsession,” he chuckled.

The words made Hoseok have a weird expression, he turned to look at Hyungwon who was aimlessly looking in front of him. Hyunwoo, however, noticed his longing gaze. 

“A little jealousy naega anin” he whistled in a small voice. 

-“I love that song” Hyungwon turned around at Hyunwoo’s direction.

By the time they were done with shopping and lunch it was too cold and late to go by the seaside, which made Hoseok a little disappointed but lifted Hyungwon’s spirits up. At the end, they decided on karaoke. None of the guys had a drinking issue but the circumstances were way too alluring. Hyungwon could still feel the discomfort in his stomach but nonetheless didn’t decline the drink, Hoseok on the other hand ordered a coke.

-“You didn’t drink that much yesterday. What’s the tea?” Hyungwon asked Hoseok, plastered on the sofa while Hyunwoo was occupied with checking both food and song list. 

-I don’t want to embarrass myself.

Hyungwon snorted.

-“Isn’t it a bit too late? Or is it that Hyunwoo makes you feel intimidated?” he smirked.

-Both.

-Both?

-Both of you.

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow.

-Isn’t it a bit too late for me though? I’ve seen you in different states of fucked up by now.

-That’s why I don’t want to make it a habit. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes.

Hyungwon flinched his eyebrows in both surprise and amusement. 

-“You are one funny fella,” he turned in Hyunwoo’s direction.

-Hyung, I’ve decided the first song for you.

-Yeah?

-Now I know.

-Oh, hell no.

-Yep!

-“What about it?” Hoseok wondered.

-“It is HIS song,” Hyungwon only smiled.

Hyungwon found out Hoseok is good at singing as well, weirdly enough it had a very positive impact on him.

After another round Hoseok ordered yet another soft drink, which started to get on Hyungwon’s nerves.

-“Maybe you should get milk next time,” he said mockingly in his ear. Hoseok put his hand on Hyungwon’s right lap, “At least one has to be sober to take you home safely,” he said in Hyungwon’s ear, brushing his hair.

-“HA! As if I need any kind of assistance,” he turned his full attention back to Hyunwoo.

Hyungwon was ready to call it a day but Hyunwoo was still warming up and Hoseok was more than into it. Without saying a word he ordered a taxi, silently stood up and patted his back of the pants. 

-Alright guys, don’t want to be a party pooper but I am going home.

Hyunwoo arched his eyebrows while Hoseok frowned.

-“But we are just getting into it,” Hyunwoo said grumpily.

-I know, I am going alone.

-“But…” Hoseok wanted to say something but realized he is in no position. Furthermore, he did enjoy himself.

-“Alright,” said Hyunwoo “got the keys?”

-Yep

-Check on grandma please.

-“I will,” as he picked his bag and motioned towards the door, waving his goodbye without turning and closing the door behind. 

There was an awkward silence.

-“Don’t bother,” said Hyunwoo “it’s not him being rude.”

-He tends to leave without saying a word.

-He has a bit of solitary personality. He is both easy-going and introverted. I don’t want to say he is emotionally detached, but sometimes he gives off this vibe. It looks as if he closes in his shell. He is a temperamental person but I find it endearing and I guess his fluctuations in mood is something that can be seen in a lot of artistic people.

-You know a lot about him.

-“We’ve known each other for years, plus I feel like we are quite compatible. Both of us do not necessary talk a lot and both of us are introverted minus the weird part,” laughed Hyunwoo while picking the song list “Alright, how about Ongshimi?” 

-“Sounds great” as Hoseok got pulled back out of his thoughts. 

Hyungwon was looking outside the window, trees moving fast. He started to develop a headache, he didn’t like it. He tiredly closed his eyes while leaning back against the taxi seat.

To his surprise grandmother was not asleep. He wanted to join her by the TV but she suggested if he doesn’t mind to join her for a glass of Sherry. He did not. For a long time they were sitting in silence. 

-You don’t look good these days, my boy. Is there something bothering you?

-“No, not at all, don’t worry about me” Hyungwon faintly smiled.

-You can always come to me for a piece of advice. I might be old but I can be proud of my life experience. 

Hyungwon laughed “I will”.

After finishing their drinks Hyungwon escorted Hyunwoo’s grandmother to her room and wished her a good night. 

He took a shower, for a long time standing still under the water. He wasn’t sure if his body temperature was rising due to hot water or his headache. He slowly motioned towards the bed, delusional dreams occupying his mind as soon as he fell asleep.

“Visit us next time,”Hyungwon said rubbing his eyes. 

The following day none of them was energetic enough, so all three of them spent the last day at home – cooking pot, watching TV with grandmother and in Hyungwon’s case sleeping in most of the activities. 

-“I will” Hyunwoo said patting Hyungwon on the back and giving him a hug shortly after “Maybe sooner than you think.”

-“Take care” Hoseok shook Hyunwoo’s hand “And thank you for everything” he smiled brightly. 

-No worries, it was a pleasure. We should repeat the karaoke night sometime soon.

-Sure. 

-“Are you alright? You’ve been spacing out” Hoseok wondered when they took off.

-It’s alright, just a little tired.

-Headaches?

-Yeah.

-Is it bad?

-“Don’t worry,” Hyungwon blankly looked outside a small plane window.

Both of them took taxis home. With Hoseok making sure they will get in touch soon Hyungwon left first. He lazily dragged his bag behind to the third floor when he noticed someone pacing in the corridor. 

“It can’t be happening” Hyungwon thought to himself. 

-“What are you doing here? Haven’t I told you to forget a road to this place?” Hyungwon said sluggishly as he pulled out the keys. 

-“We need to talk” Kihyun said calmly.

-“We do not,” as he threw the bag over his right shoulder and leaned against the door.

-“Yes, we do” he took him by the left wrist that was turning the keys.

Hyungwon lowered his gaze on Kihyun who was expressionlessly looking at him.

-“I hope it’s a matter of life and death” he opened the door and let the other guy in first.

“It was smart of me to ask a cleaning lady to come” thought Hyungwon while turning on the lights. He took his shoes off and threw the bag on the floor, taking the coat off on the way to the kitchen. He glanced at Kihyun who was blankly looking around the hallway.

-What are you standing there for? Take a sit or is your memory so short you have already forgotten where the couch is?

Kihyun silently took his jacket off and plopped on the sofa.

-How did you know I will be home?

Kihyun snorted.

-Aren’t you always at home unless you have no choice but to go outside?

-So Minhyuk asking me what time I am landing had nothing to do with you.

-“I was surprised you actually traveled somewhere” Kihyun said looking at his phone. 

Hyungwon sighed.

-“You’ve been around for less than five minutes and I’ve already gotten a headache. Tell me what you came for and scram.” “Ah” Hyungwon said dreamily while staring inside the fridge “Do you want a drink?”

-I didn’t come here to have a good time.

-Well, I’ll get a beer. 

-In that case, get me one as well.

They were sitting for a couple of minutes in silence.

-Speak up hamster, but if you say same ridiculous shit the last time I saw you, you better pray falling from the third floor won’t break any of your bones.  
Kihyun sighed.

-We have a problem.

-WE?

-“Yes, WE” he hissed. “At the moment it is only mine but as soon as he will be done with me he will go after you.”

-Who?

-Raven.

Hyungwon frowned. “Did you come because of him? I thought Hoseok took care of him.”

-“Is it the guy I saw the last time?” Kihyun grimaced. 

-Yeah.

-Well, all muscles no brain.

Hyungwon shrugged. 

-I am clueless, he did it on his own while I was hospitalized. 

-Next time it won’t be only your guts.

-Stop talking riddles. What’s wrong? 

-“Wonwoo is in the hospital again, this time they broke his leg, a couple of ribs plus concussion. Soyou got beaten up as well. Don’t know how they thought she is part of the group but I guess it’s because she hangs around me all the time” Kihyun said as if talking to himself, he didn’t notice the way Hyungwon’s mouth parted as he blankly looked at Kihyun.

-They beat a girl?

-“Yeah, they were females though. However, they prevailed in number and most of them looked more like men on steroids than girls” he said spitefully. “He is clashing back with double force. I hope that that guy of yours isn’t the reason, because if he is -“ Kihyun looked up at Hyungwon, “You will be the one to take responsibility.”

Hyungwon said nothing, he took a gulp of his drink and leaned back against the coach. 

-We need to reach out to him and try to talk it out, if he refuses we have to shush him before he kills any of us. He is dangerous. 

-Why is Wonwoo the first they come after?

-“I don’t know, maybe they think he is the biggest threat but since they always gang up it doesn’t really matter whether he is strong or not.” Kihyun said shrugging.

-If it’s getting out of hand I won’t let Changkyun and Jooheon in this mess. 

-“Why?” Kihyun looked up in surprise. 

-Because if he is dangerous I won’t let them. None of them is a great fighter anyway, plus Jooheon took his share last time. 

Kihyun snorted.

-Ridiculous, they are not kids anymore. Where was your sympathy years ago?

-“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If I were you I would be in the hospital doing everything to ease the pain of those who took a bullet for you, Ki.” Hyungwon said not so kindly. “You are only good with words. I warned you, if we go all in, they are out of the question. I will find someone to replace them. And for fuck’s sake stop projecting your own self-guilt on me.” He said annoyingly. “Now, are we done or will you turn my headache into migraine?”  
Kihyun was looking with curiosity at Hyungwon.

-You’ve changed. 

Hyungwon arched his eyebrow as he turned to look at the other guy. 

-Have no idea what you are talking about again, but please keep it to yourself. 

Kihyun stood up and fetched his coat as he briskly walked into the hallway to put his shoes on. 

-“Wait,” Hyungwon said while going to where his bag is. He rummaged through it desperately trying to find something.

-“Ah” as he took a box out “I was planning to ask someone but since you came of your own accord.” Hyungwon extended the hand and gave the box to Kihyun.

-For me?

-Duh

-You got me a present?

-“Are you an idiot? Hyunwoo passed it to you.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes. 

-“Oh, so you were vising him” he smiled a bit. 

-Yeah, yeah now go. 

Kihyun inspected a box for a couple of seconds but soon put it under his armpit. 

-“Anyway, unblock me for the time being. I know you didn’t change the number” Kihyun smirked and closed the door without saying goodbye.

Hyungwon groaned. 

Hyungwon took a long bath and tried to catch up with his studies, lazily drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes on the balcony. His headache was gone and his mind was light despite being occupied with school material. He thought he was happy at that moment. It lifted his spirits up. Unfortunately, the moment didn’t last too long. 

There was a knock on the door a little after 9 PM. A pretty girl was standing in front of him, her appearance was elegant but her face expression alarmed Hyungwon.

-“Can I help you?” Hyungwon blinked in surprise. 

-Is he in here?

-“Who?” he frowned his eyebrows. 

-“Hoseok, who else?” she pushed through Hyungwon inside the flat, Hyungwon turned around in disbelief. 

-“He isn’t here” he turned around rolling his eyes. “So maybe you should leave.”

-I am not going anywhere until he comes, I know he is hiding here.

Hyungwon brushed his hair off the face, sighing harshly. 

-“And who you might be?” he asked leaning against the wall, arms crossed on chest. 

-Jennie.

-His brother’s girlfriend? 

-Yes

-So you think he is staying here?

-Yes, for the last couple of weeks he only stopped by to fetch some clothes. 

-Have you tried calling him?

-“He doesn’t pick up,” she glared at him annoyingly.

-“Why is it you that came looking for him? Why not his father or brother?” he finally asked.

There was no response for a long time.

-“Is it some sort of interrogation?” she finally managed. 

-“However, you find it more than appropriate to barge in my place without a prior notice.” He chuckled. “And how do you know where I live? Did you spy on me? Maybe I should call the police.” Hyungwon was thinking out loud. 

-You’re a feisty one, aren’t you? I thought you are just a pretty face. Makes sense he wants to stick to you, he doesn’t come across your type often. 

Hyungwon looked her in the eye.

-Miss, I have no idea what games you are playing but leave me out of it.

-Give him back.

-He is not your property.

-Nor is he yours.

-I never claimed him.

-You sound as if you do.

-Look, Hoseok is not staying here so maybe you should look elsewhere. You’re wasting your time.

-“I am not leaving unless you either bring him here or call the police” she pouted.

“Is it her eccentricity or is she nuts?” Hyungwon thought while pulling his phone out and typing a message – “Get the heck here, NOW.”

Hoseok arrived in fifteen, and they were the most awkward 15 minutes Hyungwon could remember in a while. 

-“I didn’t think you would contact me first, yet alone so soon” Hoseok said grinning when Hyungwon opened the door. “I…”he said a little panting but couldn’t finish his sentence because Hyungwon opened the door wide open and Hoseok saw someone he would never expect to see sitting on the couch. 

-“The hell are you doing here?” he yelled while glancing at Hyungwon, he couldn’t read his expression. The other guy closed his mind.

-“We need to talk” she said not turning around. 

-“Then stand up and let’s go talk” he said angrily.

-I am not going anywhere.

Hyungwon sighed. 

-Technically, it is my apartment so I would appreciate if you deal with each other somewhere else.

-No, you need to hear it.

-“Hear what?” Hoseok asked her after taking his shoes off as he was now pulling her by the hand. 

-“That you will never see him ever again,” she almost yelled while pointing a finger at Hyungwon.

-“You’re crazy” Hoseok said “What? Did you fight with my brother again? Why are you so upset?”

-“You didn’t pick up my calls and you do not sleep at home. I had no idea where you at.” She whined while putting his arm to her cheek, rubbing against it.

Hoseok pulled back but it was too late, he noticed Hyungwons’ weird expression that turned blank a moment later. 

-“Hyungw…”

\- “Leave me out of it,” he took his coat and keys, putting his shoes on. “Text me when both of you are gone,” he tried to open the door but Jennie leaped on her knees and grabbed him by the wrist.

-“No” she cried out “You aren’t going anywhere unless you promise you stop seeing each other” she looked up tear eyed but the hatred she felt for Hyungwon was overwhelming. 

-“Miss,” as he detangled his hand “Hoseok is a free person, he can do whatever he likes. It will be alright if at the end of the day he says he breaks all the ties with me” he glanced at Hoseok who had the most miserable expression he had to experience so far. He looked as if he might start crying any second “However” Hyungwon traced his gaze back to the girl “It is his decision to make. You have no right to exploit or blackmail him. Let him go if he doesn’t want you anymore. Otherwise, it makes it worse for both of you. You still have a chance to keep some sort of relationship, because if you push while the other party pulls once the thread is broken it can’t be mended the same way as before” he said without looking away.  
The girl was blankly staring at him.

-“Ah” Hyungwon said with his hand on the door knob. “I made a mistake, I suppose she is the one with two hearts while you’ve got only half.” Hyungwon stared at no less miserable Hoseok. “Your surroundings didn’t give you room for both being truly loved and give the affection back.” he sighed and silently closed the door from behind. 

They were quiet for a moment. Hoseok sat on the sofa and put his head in his hands. 

-“What’s wrong with him?” Jennie finally snapped back while pointing at the door. 

-Why do you do this to me? How long are you going to torture me?

-“Hoseokkie” she said while sitting next to him “But how can you say this? I love you.”

-“You don’t and you never did. Hyungwon is right, the only reason you need me is because I have something my brother is lacking, but I cannot comfort you for the rest of your life. I am over it, leave me alone.” He said staring at the wall. 

Jennie started to cry. Hoseok wanted to comfort her but decided not to.

-I won’t come back to where you are anymore. Stop waiting for me.

-“I can’t accept it. At least, not at the moment.” she said while opening and closing the front door, leaving Hoseok in the previous position. 

Hoseok stayed sitting there for good half an hour, hardly moving, his mind blank. With a stone like feeling in his chest he typed Hyungwon a message, however reply never came. He waited and waited, time passing by slowly and painfully. Hyungwon came back by the midnight, Hoseok still seated at the same spot. 

Only after taking his shoes and jacket off he realized there was someone inside.

-“I thought I told both of you to leave,” he said while going to kitchen and taking a sprite out of the fridge.

Hoseok didn’t react in any sort of way.

-Hoseok.

-“Hoseok,”as Hyungwon went to sit next to him, looking at his profile “Are you alright?” he gently touched his right hand that was on his lap.

\- If you are going to reject me, can you do it tomorrow?” Hoseok said faintly.

Hyungwon noticed he was slightly shaking. 

-“Hey, what’s wrong? What did she tell you?” Hyungwon reached to his face and turned it his way. “What’s wrong?”Hyungwon’s eyes darted across Hoseok’s sad face, the gaze sparkles. Hyungwon extended his second hand, cupping Hoseok’s face while he repeated “Come on, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”  
Instead of words Hoseok started to silently cry. His tears were falling down on Hyungwon’s bony fingers. Hyungwon tried to wipe them with his index finger but soon Hoseok fell into hysteria, crying loudly and ugly.

-“Hey,” Hyungwon said sympathetically “What got onto you?” as he pushed Hoseok’s hair back and was now wiping his tears with his palms. “Stop crying or I might start as well.” Nevertheless, Hoseok didn’t stop and for a long time Hyungwon was comforting the other guy.

As soon as Hoseok stopped, Hyungwon went to draw a bathtub. By the time he was back, Hoseok was blankly staring at the wall, again.

-Hey, go take a bath. It will calm your nervous system down. 

Hoseok looked at the other guy for a while, only to avert his gaze a moment later and as he tried to pass Hyungwon by he was stopped by the arm.

-“You’re at it again,” Hyungwon said while cupping Hoseok’s face and drying the tears with the back of his palms. However, after a brief moment Hoseok took both of his hands in his, faintly smiled and released them only to walk towards the bathroom and closing the door behind. 

After half an hour or so Hoseok stepped out – hair wet, cheeks flushed, eyes puffy. Hyungwon turned off the TV and turned off the lights in the living room.  
-“Come, it’s late,”Hyungwon yawned, hugging him by the shoulder while they were walking to the bedroom. 

-“I left some sedatives for you on the table. Don’t know if you need any but just in case” Hyungwon said while jumping under the covers.  
Hoseok quietly laid down and turned the night table light’s off. He laid still on his back while Hyungwon turned to his left, shifting closer to Hoseok, putting a right hand on his stomach.

-“Did you calm down?” He whispered while hardly noticeably petting the area.  
Hoseok turned to look at Hyungwon.

It was a full moon, the sky was clear. The moon light was falling on both of their faces making them clear to see each other. The stillness of the room added more of the mysteriousness. 

-“Hmm?” Hyungwon jerked his chin in his habitual way.

Hoseok just silently stared at every part of the other guy’s face at a time. Hyungwon observed him for a while before moving closer and landing him a hardly noticeable kiss on the lips, and then another one and another. When Hyungwon was to move back to his own pillow Hoseok grabbed him by the nape and started to kiss him with a new force. Hyungwon returned the kiss but was more gentle, playing with Hoseok’s hair and slowing down his hastiness.

-“Hey,”Hyungwon smiled into the kiss “I am not someone who would take advantage of someone’s fragileness. You need to come to your senses first.” Hyungwon said while kissing Hoseok’s neck and taking Hoseok’s hands off his own t-shirt that was pulled up. “There is always tomorrow.”  
Hoseok sighed. “What if there is no tomorrow?” he mumbled.

-“What do you mean?” Hyungwon stopped what he was doing to look at Hoseok.

-What if tomorrow you wake up and finally send me to hell for good?!” he said as if the words physically hurt him.

-“Oh,” “Oh” Hyungwon repeated. “I guess you misunderstood.”

-Did I?

-Gosh, Hoseok, sometimes I wonder if your intellectual age is ten. Why would I share a bed with a person I don’t want to be with?” He pulled Hoseok towards himself, hugging him, making sure Hoseok sticking close. 

-“B-but what you said I thought this is the last time and I – “ Hoseok started to inaudibly sob again. 

-“Hey, hey” Hyungwon whispered in his ear “You misunderstood, please, stop.”

-“It’s just that” he started to choke on air “I finally found what first love is and as soon as I realized it I thought I lost you and it incredibly hurts” he sniffled. 

-“Aw” Hyungwon reached for Hoseok’s face to wipe his tears and gently place a kiss on his lips, hugging him again shortly after. “Do you want to hear my two golden rules when it comes to love?” Hyungwon asked while moving his hand on Hoseok’s back, back and force. 

-Ung 

“I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, 

And you are not in this world to live up to mine. 

You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.

If not, it can’t be helped.”

…and the second one is

“If you love something let it go,

If it comes back to you it’s yours 

If it doesn’t, it never was.”

“I find them beautiful and full of meaning. I didn’t want to hand you to her.”Hyungwon stopped for a brief moment “Now that I think about it, it must have sounded harsh but you had to come up with an answer for yourself, her or even me. I am sorry.” He whispered “I didn’t mean to” he placed a kiss on Hoseok’s temple and hugged him even tighter. 

No one uttered another word.

For a long time they were laying, Hyungwon playing with Hoseok’s hair and fingers while Hoseok quietly cried to his heart content until his eyes went dry but his heart became light.

To be continued...


End file.
